Engineers

Another case of; "Here's Your Sign."

Understanding Engineers- Take One.

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding
my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on
the ground, took off her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."




Understanding Engineers-Take Two.

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.



Understanding Engineers- Take Three.

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept
golfers!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper, let's ask him."

He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with the group ahead of us? They're
rather slow aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire
fighters.

They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,
so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"




Understanding Engineers- Take Four.

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.





Understanding Engineers- Take Five.

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"



The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"



Understanding Engineers- Take Six.

Four engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer, just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."

The third said, "It was obviously a chemical engineer, just think about all
the reactions taking place each second in the body."

The last one said, "You're all wrong, it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"



Understanding Engineers- Take Seven.


Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.



Understanding Engineers- Take Eight.

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? I've
told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one
week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

***************

Touche!

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.

You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline.

Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.

So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on

Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna

be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst

hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're

overpriced.

“So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a

million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo.

The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great!

They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,

and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.

They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and

gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well

and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured

the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder,

and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the

visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private

room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked

through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down

and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Where'd you get the shitty Hairdo?