Just filling in time.

You will be pleased to see that I have finally got my computer
working the way I want it to

This could also be the 50s, or 70s . It’s amazing what the world has come to…

School 1960 vs. School 2007

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1960 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up mates.

2007 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. Mobiles with video of fight confiscated as evidence. They are charged with assault, AVOs are taken out and both are suspended even though Johnny started it. Diversionary conferences and parent meetings conducted. Video shown on 6 internet sites.


Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1960 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Counselled to death. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra funding because Jeffrey has a disability. Drops out of school.


Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1960 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. Psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mum has an affair with the psychologist. Psychologist gets a promotion.


Scenario: Mark, a college student, brings cigarettes to school .

1960 - Mark shares a smoke with the school principal out on the smoking area.

2007 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from School for drug possession. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.


Scenario: Vinh fails high school English.

1960 - Vinh goes to Remedial English, passes and goes to college.

2007 - Vinh's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and his English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Vinh is given his Y10 anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.


Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers, puts them in a model plane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.

1960 - Ants die.

2007 - Security and ASIO are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.


Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.

1960 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.

2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy. Becomes gay.

You gotta love a good nurse.

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily.

Written in large black letters was the sentence:

'Get well soon....from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.

Nothing to report on Vicki's situation, later this week we expect to know what the program will be.... fingers crossed.

All about words.

I needed to find something else to think about.... other than Vicki's tumor.

Click to enbiggen

MORE FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder & got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Update;
we are no further advanced than we were when I posted last, the waiting is tough.

Progress report

Rex and Vicki in a typical pose.



Hi to all, everything is pretty static at the moment,and will remain so until early April when
Vicki learns where she will have the operation performed and where I will join her and Rex.
It was almost overwhelming, for both Vicki and myself to receive such a flood of support, say
what you like there is nowhere else on Earth where human kindness and beauty comes out like in
Blogland, we are so thankful to everyone.
I will post when I have some more information.

Peter

Just a quick PS.
I copied that huge spam article that appeared in my last post to a word document
just to see how big it was...... 127 pages!!!!!

Fun Monday Mar 24

Host for Easter Mondays “Fun Monday” is Swampy @

http://anecdotes.typepad.com/

Here’s da rules.

FUN MONDAY: ABC's

Back in my school teaching days, I used the A-B-C technique of making connections and remembering things. For instance, if we had studied Ireland, one assignment would be to list all 26 letters of the alphabet down the page and add words and/or phrases remembered about that unit of study:

IRELAND:
A - Antrim (County of)...
B- Blarney Stone, Belfast...
C - Cork, connacht, crystal...
D - Dublin...

Another use for this techinque is to record a family vacation...list PLACES (restaurants-monuments-hotels), PEOPLE (those on the trip-others you met), ANECDOTES, anything that had to do with the trip. Kids love to keep an on-going "journal" this way because they don't get bogged down with complete sentences, correct grammar, punctuation, etc. Plus, it's a handy-dandy way to document the trip for future references.

TRIP TO AUSTRALIA:
A - Australian Open, aborigines, Aussie, aerial pingpong...
B - beer (Toohey's Old), Brisbane, barbie, billabong, bloke, bluey...
C - crocodiles, chewie, chokkie...
D - "Don't drop cell phone into Yellow River...", didgeridoo, dingo...

With that in mind, here's the Fun Monday Challenge for March 24:

Choose a topic/theme and make an alphabetical list of words, phrases, photos...however you want to share your topic/theme.

Topics can range from pet-peeves, vacations, people who have influenced your life, jokes, favorites, philosopher's quotes/sayings, birds, flowers...anything. The sky is the limit. Your ABC list can be depicted with words, photos, illustrations... You are limited only by your imagination. Be funny. Be serious. Be creative. Be sarcastic. Be there, or be square.

*************************************************************

I very nearly didn’t sign up for Fun Monday this week as I got some shattering news on Wed March 19. my only daughter, the apple of my eye, has been diagnosed to have a brain tumor, once again my world has spun off its axis and I feel shattered, Vicki is only 47, she is the mother of three of my grand-children and is herself grand-ma to my two great grand-sons, she and son in law Rex are grain farmers in SA.

This is a very biased opinion I know but she deserves much better than this…. The medico’s are quietly confident that the tumor will be benign, we pray that they are right but regardless of that there is some very delicate brain surgery involved.

As I said I was inclined not to sign up for Fun Monday this week, but then I thought it perhaps offered a good chance to explain a pending absence, surgery will be scheduled for early April so I will be absent for whatever period of time it might take to see Vicki back on the road to health.

These are my ABC thoughts at the minute

A – anguish, anger,

B – beautiful daughter,

C – can’t believe this is happening.

D – darling daughter, doctors,

E – exasperation,

F – favourite (only) daughter,

G – going to be with her, get well my sweet daughter,

H – hospital, hate them,

I – I am shattered,

K – kind and loving heart,

L – love,

M – my little girl… deserves better,

N – not fair, neurosurgeon,

O – operation,

P – prayers for my darling daughter, panic,

Q – questions without answers,

R – risk,

S – surgery,

T – tumor… fuck it!!!

U – unable to think clearly,

V – Vicki,

W – we love you,

X – xray… hope they are right,

Y – you are my life Vicki,

Z – This is not the end.

Vicki in happier times.

I would like to take this opportunity to say a very sincere thank you to all
who have sent messages of sympathy, love and hope for Vicki's future health,
they are very much appreciated and I will make sure that Vicki is aware of
all the love that has been so evident in them.

Easter

I'll give you a hint, Easter hasn't started out too well here at holtieshouse.

Hope yours is a lot better.

Lost Warship HMAS Sydney Found

A 67 year maritime mystery was solved n March 15 2008 when the
sunken remains of HMAS Sydney was discovered in 2500 meter
deep water 150 klms off the West Australian coast.

After a naval engagement with the German Cruiser Kormoron
which was disguised as a Dutch merchant vessel, as the Sydney
approached to within 1000 metres the Kormoron attacked with
artillery and torpedoes, in the following battle the Kormoron
was sunk, survivors from the Kormoron were the last to see the
Sydney which sank with all crew on board.

There were 645 Australian naval personnel lost with the Sydney
and the location of the wreck has been a mystery all these years since.

Click on photos to enbiggen

There is a magnificent memorial to the Sydney in the WA coastal city of
Geraldton, it has a memorial wall with the names and ratings of all
who were lost from her, there is a domed structure with 645
stainless steel seagulls in flight adorning the roof, this represents
the 645 men lost on the Sydney.

The final resting places of both the Kormoron and the Sydney have been declared "War Graves"
and as such are forever protected from looters and souvenir hunters.

Fun Monday Mar 17

Our host for Fun Monday March 17 is;

Nikki @

http://anticsofacrazymom.typepad.com/

Here’s da rules;

1.) I don't know about you, but my family is great at creating strange words that only we know the meaning. Some were created when the kids were first learning to talk, others came about when our tongues were twisted and the word came out funny. Either way, the words stuck and we still use them in our daily conversations. What created words does your family use?! Please share the story behind the word if you remember. If you don't have a made up word then tell us about the unspoken way you communicate with someone. Do you and your significant other have a look that means "This party is boring, lets split" or do you have a look that your kids know means their butt is in serious trouble? Please share!! And a picture of the look would be very entertaining!

OR/AND

2.) In honor of St. Paddy's Day, please share your worst green beer story!

Even with two topics to choose from this is proving to be a difficult assignment for me,
the normal mispronunciation of words like spaghetti as basgetti, the misconception that
contestants were receiving boats rather than votes, and my kids naming their grandmother
Nanny Failure because they were unable to pronounce the town of Nathalia where she
lived, I would dearly like to claim a gem like "Osteopornosis... a degenerates disease" alas
I am not able to.

As for green beer.... well the only times I have wandered away from the normal amber
coloured beer has been when I tried a mix of Guinness stout and beer and then tried a
German "Bock" beer, which was BLACK,neither of which I liked much so I've stuck to
amber ever since.

I hope you have a more productive time when you visit some other sites from Nikki's list.

Australian Etiquette.

I'm pleased to report that after my recent problems my reflexes seem to be back to normal.

Australian Etiquette.

IN GENERAL

1.. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.

(A stubby, in this instance is a small, 375mil, bottle of beer usually
drunk straight from the bottle, Stubbies on the other hand are a
brand of work shorts popular with trades people.)

2.. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.

3.. It's tacky to take an Esky to church.

(An "Esky" is a portable icebox used to keep your stubby's, bottles, cold.)

4.. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

5.. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude
to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

DINING OUT

1.. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and
pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.

2.. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1.. A centre piece for the table should never be anything
prepared by a taxidermist.

2.. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1.. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private,
using one's OWN Ute keys.

2.. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.

3.. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.

4.. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of
finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention
away from your jewellery.

DATING

1.. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.

2.. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go
out with you ever since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago."

3.. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will
say 11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's
the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATRE ETIQUETTE

1.. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie
ends.

2.. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS

1.. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2.. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your
popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)

3.. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and
a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.

4.. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1.. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun
is loaded and the roo is in your rifle sight.

2.. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest
roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.

3.. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4.. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can,
it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

Guts or Balls,

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts
or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an
effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

Guts - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning,
or are you flying somewhere?'


Balls - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
and having the balls to say: You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking,
there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

Fun Monday Mar 10.

This weeks host and task are;

IT Guy @

http://lifeinitgovt.blogspot.com/

I need YOU (yes, the wonderful YOU!) to pick 5 memorable lines from 5 different movies (if you could tell us which character said it and to whom, would be a bonus)...and tell us to WHOM (who in the people in your life) you could have said those lines.

1 “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”.

Movie, Rhett Butler to Scarlet O’Hara, from "Gone With The Wind.."

Real life, The line forms from the right, just take your place.

2 “I’ll have what she’s having.”

Movie, This line by a bit player who happened to be Director Rob Reiner’s
mother is the most remembered one from “When Harry Met Sally”.

Real life, I could use this line (and sentiment) on an almost daily basis!!!!

3 “Go ahead, make my day.”

Movie, One of the many gems from Harry Callahan, this one from “The Enforcer”

Real life, Well in my “Dream Real life” anyway, to parking officers, traffic
offenders, and people with bad manners everywhere.

4 “Life is like a box of chocolates.”

Movie, Forrest Gump, aka Tom Hanks, to a lady on a park bench from “Forrest
Gump”

Real life, just think of the fun you could have with this one on Valentines Day.

5 “I’ll be baaack.”

Movie, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s famous line from “The Terminator.”

Real life, I’ll be back, next Monday to play Fun Monday again, now go and read
some more entries from the list at IT Guys site.

Just too good... Had to Post it

The placement of the exhaust pipe was a little unfortunate.




I came across this little gem recently and thought it needed to be posted, to all readers outside of the USA, who have observed the performance's of the last couple of American elected Presidents, this will come as good news, Cleese raises as his fourth point that a questionnaire may be used to determine whether the American public are aware of the changes.

Letter from John Clease for and on behalf of the Queen of England

To the citizens of The United States of America: In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you actually noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford "English" Dictionary. 1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. 2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour'. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). 3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS US ENGLISH. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. 6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. 9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar. 10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion 11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. 12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the Australians and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us. 13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries. 14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. 15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). 16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. God save the Queen.

Fun Monday March 3

Janet, from the planet of Janet hosts this weeks Fun Monday.

http://fromtheplanetofjanet.blogspot.com/

Hollywood has come calling. They want to make a movie of your life story!

So here's what I want to read about: Write the brief synopsis of this film that you might use to pitch this project and cast the principal players. Who would play you? You can either cast or ignore significant others, children and/or pets. This is, after all, YOUR movie about you you YOU! Illustrate as needed with casting photos or filming locations. Your life not interesting enough? Hey, this is Hollywood. Never let the facts get in the way of a good story!

Disclaimer;

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management) No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Well we have the stated opinion of our hostess Janet that the story is more important than the truth, we have the disclaimer that graces my sidebar stating the same thing, what are the chances of this being a factual story???

This story took place many years ago, not quite in the “once upon a time” era but headed back that-a-way; It is based in Australia’s far north during the time when Australia lived by the rule of “if it moves shoot it” (you know much like the USA of today.) that’s no doubt got the gun lobby and my US readers off side, who will we target next?

It was still popular to hate , and hunt, Crocodiles for their skin from which were made high quality shoes and hand bags for M’Lady. We are obviously talking about a time before the late great Steve Irwin’s message about how adorable crocodiles were had been released.

I was fishing for the great sporting fish Barrumundi on the banks of the Roper river when there was a sudden burst of movement in front of me, only the years of honing my reflexes to react instantly to danger allowed me to sidestep the onrushing 5 meter crocodile that until that moment had considered me only as his lunch.

Now this monster found me as something attached to his back with arms locked around its neck and more importantly that one of these arms had a huge knife clasped firmly in one of its hands and this very soon to be lethal weapon was poised for a plunge into its soft underbelly

PHEW!!! As I indicated in the preamble I had decided to dramatize this story but in the final analysis I decided to go with a true story instead, as this tale unfolded it became clear that a truly strong action figure was needed to fill the main role, not a role for a pretty- boy Brad Pitt type or an ageing Bruce Willis type, it was starting to look like another role for the already overworked Matt Damon when suddenly I saw the whole scene in the ever popular animated style and just knew that was the way to go………..

If you would like to read more movie scripts go visit Janet's site and go through the list.

By The Way, for those of you who were kind enough to comment on my last post in which I reported my kidney stone attack, the drama seems to be over and I am left with only a dull ache in my lower back, while this is not “fun” and could be described as “a pain in the butt” it is a lot better than last week.