"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

The Best Chain Letter Ever


If swearing offends you don't read this! I tried cleaning it up
further but it lost too much of the effect sooory.


Hello, my name is Lewis and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion f***ing chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.


Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000?

How stupid are we?

"Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!"

What a bunch of bulls**t.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by someone in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.

F*** 'em.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.

I don't f***ing care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know.

Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

P.S. Send me 15 bucks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chain Letter for men

THE FIRST WORTHWHILE CHAIN LETTER I HAVE EVER

RECEIVED

This letter was started in hopes of bringing a ray of sunshine to other tired and discouraged men.
Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented.

Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of this list, and add your name to the bottom.

When your turn comes, you will receive 16,255 women.

One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.

At the time of writing this, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, 4 of whom were worth keeping.

Remember - this chain brings luck.


One man's cat died, and the next day he received a
Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.


You can be lucky too, so DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN!


One man broke the chain and got his own wife back.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Home Cooked Meal
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that 
he had just metthe woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? 
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and 
on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked 
meal?" 
He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged a date 
for a week later.
His mother called the day after the big date to see how things 
had gone. 
"The evening was a disaster," he moaned. 
"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother. 
"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook...."


Now before I turn all you lady b****gers against me,
(Too late you say!!) 
these tit-bits (Ooops,) are included for their humor
only and do not express
the views
of the management. (or mis-management)


7 comments:

kenju said...

Hmmmm, will you SWEAR they dont' reflect the view of the management?
Huh?

Very funny, Peter!

kenju said...

I just got your comment. I don't know who does the selection for comment verification, but they sure do have a fascination for the letter "Q", don't they?

I just tell myself the comment verifier is Polish!

Merle said...

Hi Peter,Good jokes. Chain letters are a menace and no I wont send 15 bucks. Nor the tissues for the sad ones. Talking of the letters we have to type in I tried twice with one lot & next time they changed them & it worked, I think I saw a w as an m or something.

Theresa said...

Loved the first one! I am so sick of those stupid emails! I actually have the senders emailing me back wanting to know why I didn't send it back to them! Ugh!

Marcus said...

I wonder if there's a website somewhere where all chain emails are hatched and sent out from? There needs to be a website they can be sent to and retired, taken out of circulation. Having said that, there are lot's of good/funny/touching emails that zoom around cyberspace, I just don't like the guilt trips in the final paragraphs.
wvoqqcsl

Ivy the Goober said...

I got one the other day that said if I didn't forward it, I'd gain 10 pounds. And I did (gain, not forward)!

Peter said...

Hi all, the concensus seems to be, down with chain letters, "cept the funny ones i send you or b**g about.
I sense a b**g about that 10 pounds Ivy, Susan, whoever.