"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Development Proposal.


Sub-titled (Makin’ your pile)


A group of investors are considering investing in a large cat ranch in outback NT.


The proposal is to start out rather small, about one million cats.


Each cat averages about 12 kittens per year, skins can be sold for about $2.00 for
white ones and up to $4.00 for black ones.


This will give us $12 million cat skins per year to sell at an average price of say $3.00 making our revenue about $36 million per year, this averages out at $144,000.00 a day excluding Sundays and holidays.


A good cat man or woman can skin about 50 cats per day, at a wage of $50.00 per day.


It will only take 960 people to operate the ranch, this will leave a net profit of
$96.000.00 per day.


The cats would be fed exclusively on rats; rats multiply four times as fast as cats.


We would start a rat ranch adjacent to our cat ranch, if we start with one million rats, we will have four rats per cat per day.


The rats will be fed on the carcasses of the cats we skin; this will give each rat one quarter of a cat per day.


You can see that this business is a clean operation, self supporting and really automatic throughout.


The cats will eat the rats and the rats will eat the cats, while we get the skins.

Eventually, it is our aim to cross the cats with snakes; the cat/snake will shed themselves twice a year.


This will eliminate the labour costs of skinning, as well as giving two skins for each cat.


Our company slogan will be;

“There’s more than one way to skin a bureaucrat.”

Now the above post is primarily for this guy, so I thought we had better have one for the rest of us too.

How did we survive?
 
The 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!  
 
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked
and/or drank while they carried us.
 
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from
a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
 
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with
bright colored lead-based paints.
 
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or
cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets,
not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
 
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts
or air bags.
 
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was
always a special treat.
 
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. 
 
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle
and NO ONE actually died from this.
 
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank
soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight
because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
 
We would leave home in the morning and play all day,
as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
 
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. 
 
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps
and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot
the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times,
we learned to solve the problem.
 
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes,
no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable,no
video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell
phones, no personal computers, no Internet or
Internet chat rooms..........

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
 
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth
and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
 
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt,
and the worms did not live in us forever.
 
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up
games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were
told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
 
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and
knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just
walked in and talked to them!
 
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made
the team.
Those who didn't had to learn to deal with
disappointment. IMAGINE THAT!!
 
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the
law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
 
This generation has produced some of the best
risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
 
The past 50 years have been an explosion of
innovation and new ideas.
 
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility,
and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
 
And if YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! 
 
You might want to share this with others who have
had the luck to grow up as kids,before the lawyers
and the government regulated our lives for our own
good. and while you are at it, forward it to your kids
so they will know how brave their parents were.
 
Kind of makes you want to run through the house
with scissors, doesn't it?!

13 comments:

WordWhiz said...

Skinning cats? Ewww... Well, at least you're not planning to have sex with them! Maybe you didn't see that news story on your side of the pond.

I linked you.

Peter said...

Can't say I did, I hope this post isn't gonna bite me on the bum, is it?
Thanks for the link, I like Ooops linked you too.

Davo said...

Hey, I remember billy-carts, and visiting friends, and READING , well .. books. Can read them things by candlelight if necessary. Funny stuff, electricity. Recently, had lived in my street fer three years and never saw a neighbour. Then, one night, the electricity went out, and we all ended up wandering along the street with lanterns, getting to know each other. Jeez, I must be getting old.

On the other hand, I ate dirt, worms, fell out of trees .. never had a serious illness, nor broken bone. Must have learnt early on to take 'responsibility' for my own safety. Oh well, the 'cottonwool kids' nowadays must be useful fer something I guess. (grins)

No_Newz said...

Why did that first one make me feel like I was reading "This is the house that Jack built"??? LOL!
Have a great weekend!
Lois Lane

bubba said...

Well I can say I grew up that way also. But I still go out to meet folks. Thats why I get called the social butterfly. I should get a t-shirt saying," Have Wings?". HAHAHAHA

kenju said...

First one: EEEWWWWWWWW!

Second one: YES!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Little League? Came after my time, I guess. We didn't have that. But all the rest of it, of course. Plus all the fireworks we wanted to blow up in our hands.

WordWhiz said...

This is a recent update to the story I referred to in my earlier comment:

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/245104_horseplay19.html

Thanks for the link!

Merle said...

Hi Peter - Like Kenju the first one was yuk and should have been seperate to the OLDEN DAYS one. It was good, and it's a wonder we survived. But we had some great times in those early days. And I still like reading.

Peter said...

This comment is only to see if the URL works.

Peter said...

Hi Merle, I was starting to think that either you or your computer were/was broken.
I was about to waste money on a phone call !!!

Ivy the Goober said...

I'm still trying to check the math on the first one... :)

wv: aoabiq, just so you'll know, Peter

Unga~Chunga said...

Cats and Rats! I should have realized who put you up to that - my question is - is there really a market for cat skins???

The other story has traveled around the globe - I used bits of it in an earlier blog too - with today's standards - it's a wonder how we did survive!

I have linked you!!!