"In the beginning"


The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Blondes and New Words.

It's not that I don't like blondes folks, on the contary, maybe
thats because I've been married to a brunette and a redhead?
Nah, I doubt that would be the reason............

A Blonde's Year in Review:

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels
...Helllloooo!!!..... the bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on an escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.
...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,
the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm
.....car swamped because soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days
.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 lbs!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh"
.....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

New words

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers
to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,
or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this
year's {2005} winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like,
a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.


bubba said...

good lines. I just might have to use some of those. keep up the good work.

StringMan said...

Hehe ... yes, I've been cashtrated and never even knew it. Funny stuff, Peter.

Craig 'n' Jen said...

like the reveiw of a year as a blonde, what is sad is that i am a brunette, yet i wouldn't past myself to do some of those things.

Merle said...

Some funny blonde lines there.

and also the new words. Some people are so clever thinking all these things up to make us laugh.

Looking forward to your visit.

Ivy the Goober said...

Those new words are hilarious!

Theresa said...

I identify with intaxication for sure!

Carolyn said...

LOL on the blonde year! :D

Big Dave T said...

Hmmmmm, let's try that.

Holtiesmouse--a little point and click critter that probably gets more exercise than a real mouse.

Jamie Dawn said...

Ignoranus is my favorite!!

You mean you don't peel your M & M's? It really IS a royal pain!

Hale McKay said...

LOL - great posts - blonde jokes and wacky definitions- two of my favorites.

...Is that the same blonde who got fired from the M&M quality control position for throwing out the W's?

>>>Isn't a brunette a blonde doing a handstand?

Anne said...

Very funny stuff! Thanks for checking out my blog! Im enjoying reading yours!