Island Life

One of the best features of a tropical island is how it sharpens
your eyesight.

Island Life.

A retired corporate executive decided to take a vacation.

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life... until the boat sank!

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day, when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get
here?"

She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here
when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branch and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman.
"On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.
I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
forgeable, ductile iron.
I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says.
After a few hours of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls out off the boat.
Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in
blue and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually,
"It's not much, but I call it home sit down, please.
Would you like a drink?"

"No. No, thank you," he says, still dazed.
"Can't take any more coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies.
"I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom.
There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle.
Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end
inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines and flowers strategically positioned, and smelling of gardenias.

She beckons for him to sit down next to her!
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've
been out here for a really long time.
You've been lonely.

There's something I'm sure you really feel like
doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months?"

She stares into his eyes and takes his hand in hers...

He can't believe what he's hearing.

He swallows excitedly, tears start to form in his eyes, and says,

"You mean...............

I can check my e-mail from here?" OR
In Peter's case..... I can check my blog?

My mate WAZZA (THE LOUD ONE) sent me this, guess he knows
me too well.

Medicare Health Insurance, in a nutshell:

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

"Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking"

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.
When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a
biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain
which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other
one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is."

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.

"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests
one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off
somewhere in the middle of town, If he finds his way home, don't
sleep with him."

What good is it being Marilyn Monroe?

Why can't I just be an ordinary woman?

A woman who can have a family ...

I'd settle for just one baby.

My own baby.