Just a last couple of thoughts about Christmas before we pack
it away for another year.
While this poem was obviously written by a lady, the general premise
can be applied to a man just as well, we have probably all been guilty
of a bit of over-indulgence in the past few weeks, the price we pay sits
there on our frames declaring us to the world as overeater’s.
The week after Christmas.
‘Twas the week after Christmas and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibble, the eggnog I’d taste
All the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales, there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk more a lumber.)
I’d remember the the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared…
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way that I’d never said, “No, thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to battle the dirt…
I said to myself, as only I can,
“You can’t spend the winter dressed like a man!”
So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
‘Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie, not even a lick,
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or cornbread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore…
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle,
No longer a riot
Happy new years to all
And to all a good diet.
I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends, but it is
so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without
offending someone. So I met with my attorney yesterday, and on his
advice I wish to say the following:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for
an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday,
practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or
secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular
persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice
religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted
calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of
choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped
make our country great and without regard to the race, creed, colour,
age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for
her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is
revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted
to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings
for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday
greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement
of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the
Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message;
however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.
Have a lovely one (whatever it is.)