"In the beginning"


The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Friday, April 13, 2007

International Terrorism.

My recent heroines from when I had my eye surgery have both
been suffering their own problems I am sad to report, Jackie,
who was my driver and carer for the day of surgery has been
in hospital and had knee replacement surgery 2 weeks ago,
she is now on the road to recovery but still experiencing a lot
of pain, my eye surgery pales to insignificance by comparison.

Meanwhile Margaret who was the backup lady while we were
at Coloundra has had back and hip troubles and a virus that
has kept her home from work and in bed for several days.

My sympathy goes out to you both and I hope you are both
fighting fit again soon.

Here are a couple of chilling thoughts about our world today.

The real welcome to Marlboro Country.

Superior weapons are not enough to win the war on terrorism.

International terror alert status:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even
"A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

In America President George Dubya Bush has declared war on terrorism, this has led to an exhaustive search for WMD and has people using terms like; “Holy Shit, look at the price of gas” and “See I told you we needed John Wayne to win”.

The Australians meanwhile are saying; “We will fight them on the beaches….” err.. no.. that was Churchill wasn’t it… in typical style the Australians are saying; “Throw another shrimp on the Barbie” and “C’mon Aussie C’mon” while heading for Surfers Paradise in their RVs.

The joys of traveling:

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims. "Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.


Walker said...

I think the western world doesn;t understand terrorism in the sam context as those who are attacking us.
Most of these so called terrorists(Murders is a better word)have lived in a world of violence all their lives and still live in a world long gone and refuse to join the modern world and think that killing us will make us go back to the stone age.

I hate to say it but we have brought all this down unpon ourselves by our greed.

I was watching a program the other day and it said that China is making so much money now that it can afford to jack up it's military spending by 18%.

You know who gave them that money don't you, we did by buying their products so they could have mnore money for bullets.

I think if we are going to be trading with other countries we should be doing business with people not thinking about how to hurt us rather than helping them do it.

I hope your friends get better soon, it sucks being sick and laid up.

Have a nice day

Katherine said...

I loved the Terror Alert! That's the mark of a truly great joke--it lovingly offends every nationality.

Marti said...

Sorry your friends are having problems. Loved the jokes - the terror alerts were great!

That was eerie that I commented here just as you commented at my blog the other day! Good thing it didn't happen on today on Friday the 13th or who knows what would have happened - LOL

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and your friends are better soon.


Raggedy said...

I hope your friends are feeling better soon.
Great post!
Have a wonderful day!
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

Lee said...

Hi, Peter...I've been wondering if Margaret was okay as she's not posted on her blog for a while.

So true, so true...on the terrorism status thingie...now, I must remember to take some green prawns out of the freezer! ;)

Cliff Morrow said...

Peter, I especially thank you for reminding of that last story. Great!!
You're the best.

Zaac said...

brilliant! the russians have recently considered upgrading their staus from "vodka induced comatose" to "hung over" but by the time they move from there to "clap the leader" the war will either be over or they will be occupied by mongolian fisherman. (last level of russian military alert is "shoot our own")

Rachel said...

I hope your friends are feeling better soon Peter! Loved the joke!! I had heard it before but without the fart part thrown in!

Pamela said...

It is a good thing you didn't offend the two irate Reverends

Or you might get fired from your blog and have to kiss A....something.

I really like the fart joke.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed the humor very much today. I love the French going from run to hide. Chortle.

c'est moi said...

LMAO. Where do you come up with these things?

I feel I should add a bit for my campatriots too. Here in Canada, English were ready, willing, and able to go over there with the Yanks. The French, however, ever vigilant about doing anything that the English supported, decided to bring down the government. Yes. Yes. It is true that there were other factors but any politician with half a brain knows marching off to war will win won a second term by default, anywhere that is, accept Canada. Therefore, in Canada, the government did the truly Canadian thing. First, they talked about doing something. Second, they struck a Royal Commission. Third, they sent troops to Afganistan when the Americans were looking for help in Iraq. Finally, when the US asked for more help in Afganistan, they sent a few ships from the Navy to the Persian Gulf. Next, it is rumoured that the current government will fall again when it tries to increase support to Afganistan.

Davo said...

Keep well, Peter. Dunno how the blogosphere could exist without your peculiar sense of humour.
Cheers ..