"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Fun in the chat room.


This seems a fitting post to feature this photograph of a
typical New Zealand Hooker.



Chat Room Sex.

I come back from vacation and look at this newsgroup and I still see the same ol' stuff. So it's time to lighten up! I'll try to help.

I suggest a visit to your favorite Chat Room where you can engage in some of that Cyber Sex stuff, I just found out about this last night!

I was on Prodigy and I went to this Chat room. It was named something suggestive, but I can't remember which one it was. Something like, "Horney and Bald", or something like that.

OK so I get in there and man these people are talking some real shit back and forth. I can't believe it. Somebody asks, "what's everyone wearing?" And everyone starts responding about what they are wearing. Girls were saying they were wearing silk nighties, leather and lace, or nothing at all, spikes, all kinds of kinky stuff. Well hell, I was just wearing a T-shirt and blue jeans and I felt sort of out of place. So I hurried up and put on a jock strap, my wife's bra, roller blades, ear muffs, and a ring of bratwurst around my neck.

Suddenly I realize that certain people are asking other certain people if they want to go to a private room and have Cyber Sex. I wasn't quite sure how this whole thing worked, so I asked, and members of the group explained that you could send another person in the room a private message, and then two members could talk back and forth without anyone else knowing, and that's how you have Cyber Sex. Way Cool!

OK, so I'm waiting, and one by one I keep seeing people ask other people if they want to have Cyber Sex, and they say yeah IM me. I found out that means Immediate Message or something like that. OK, so I wait some more, 'cause I know some really hot cyber chic babe is going to be asking me to have some private cyber sex any minute now.

Well, I'm waiting and waiting, and nothing. I'm thinking, how do they know I'm getting bald, that I've been married 26 years, have three kids, and sometimes when I have a choice of making love to my wife or taking a nap, I choose the nap. Hey, I figure I can get some sleep and dream about having sex and kill two birds with one stone. Geez, I'm 47 and I'm at that point where my wife makes me have sex at least once a month whether I need to or not.

I'm thinking this Cyber Sex thing will be great because I won't have to get out of breath or, get up in the middle to take a pee, or anything. But no one sends me an invitation to join them. Then I got a brain storm.

I wondered if I could send myself a private message. Sure enough I could! So I sent a message to myself asking me if I wanted to have Cyber Sex. Well, I reluctantly agreed. Once I was in the private room I started telling myself what I was wearing, you know earmuffs and all. Then the next thing I knew I was saying some really lewd stuff to myself, man at first I was really embarrassed and on some level offended by the things I was saying to me.

But the next thing I knew I was really starting to get turned on, I was saying things to myself like, "oh yeah, oh yeah baby, that's it, that's the way I like it, you're the king, you're the king, oh jesus you're the chief of police, your the sheriff, go trooper, ride me like a K9 dog humping the Sergeant's leg, oh god, oh god, cuff me, beat me, call me dirty names, turn on your red light, scream like a siren....."

Man it was really getting hot, then just when it was really getting good I said something about "my momma", well shit, that did it, I just lost it. I really got pissed off and I started screaming at myself TYPING IN ALL CAPS and shit, and I told myself that I was a no good insensitive asshole, I came back with a reply that I was nothing but a Cyber Prick Teaser, and then I said I couldn't believe that I would have done something like this with someone as disgusting a pig as me... well to make a long story short I told myself "F off you Cyber Slut", and I disconnected myself from me.

God I am so sick and ashamed of what I did I never want to talk to myself again. Do you think I cheated on my wife? Should I tell her?

P.S. Anybody want some slightly worn bratwurst?




14 comments:

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hmmmm....cyber sex...no thanks...I prefer someone who's real.

Good though, Peter.

Steve G said...

Peter, one of your best. I would say you have an excellent imagination, but it probably happened as you said it.

Cliff Morrow said...

Ya know what Peter, I wasn't a fan of brats before reading this. I'm still not. Let someone else have them.

Christina said...

Well, I'm wearing shorts, a tee shirt and flip-flops, but I think I'll pass on the bratwurst.

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ Don't try and pull the wool over my eyes! ~ jb///

Pamela said...

Is that an original????

I talk to myself, I hope that doesn't put me in this category

Raggedy said...

Hahaha!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

Big Dave T said...

Gee, I came here looking for a Father's Day message of some kind. Or something inspirational. Guess I'll have to stop by Merle's.

But this was a great post, Peter. I always wondered what happened in those chatrooms my kids frequent. Now I know.

Oh, BTW, Happy Father's Day.

Jim said...

;-)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, PETER.
..

Peter said...

Thanks to all who wished a happy Fathers day... we celebrate Fathers day on the first Sunday in September here in Oz... does it count as double dipping if I have both???
Re the query was fun in the chat room original... Of Course It Is... but not to me sadly, I just fell about when I read it and decided I had to post/share it.

Walker said...

Fathers Day should be everyday so no its not double dipping unless your wife asks you to go down under one more time LOL.
Happy Fathers day.

cathy said...

Hey, I linked to you..Your post are so funny!

Gledwood said...

Hmmm that sheep pic might be too close to the truth ..!

I went to school in Wales as in the Original (not New) but South variety ... so many rumours went flying round about "sheep shagging" I cannot describe ...

aparently though some people really do do it. did you see that documentary on tv? surely it got shown down under it was so gross a man with his pony and everything ... ukk!

hope you had a great weekend your blog is entertaining as ever

L8Rs

g

Hale McKay said...

Peter - that was one of the funniest things that I "should have written" that I have read in a long time.