"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

News from Apple

click to enbiggen.


A dedicated photographer, I wonder if its an Apple camera?


Both of these have been around for a while, but like a lot of

things… deserve a second chance

Definitions.

1. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

2 . Divorce: Future tense of marriage

3 . Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

4 . Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

5 . Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he got the biggest piece.

6 . Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.

7 . Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

8. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

9 . Ecstasy: A feeling you feel when you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

10 .Classic: A book which people often praise and seldom read.

11. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

12. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

13. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouths.

14. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

15 . Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

16 . Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

17 . Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

18. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

19. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

20. Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

21 . Optimist : A person who while falling from
Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

22. Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word
OPPORTUNITY.

23. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

24. Father : A banker provided by nature.

25. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught.

26 . Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

27 . Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.


Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things
here and drink whatever comes out?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that
comes outta its bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp,
which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when
they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are
going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while
Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil
made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take
him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?



15 comments:

Cliff said...

All good stuff here Peter. I liked the photos.
I shall steal some of your quotes and not give proper credit so thanks in advance.

Jack K. said...

I have written tests before, but never any as difficult as yours. I had to fall back on an adage I just made up. "If you are not sure, the answer is YES." lol.

The photos might just be considered exciting. LOL.

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ There is a lot of TRUTH in humor! ~ jb///

ChrisB said...

Although I've seen some of these before they still made me laugh and I liked the apple one which I had not seen.

Maria said...

I have often wondered about most of those thigngs. Loved the definition of an optomist. I always feel good after visiting your site. Do you remember all these wonderful jokes so that when you are out having a beer you can entertain everyone at the bar?

kenju said...

I like them all, Peter, but #'s 5 and 8 ring true!!

Joy Des Jardins said...

I love your 'definitions' list Peter....some of those are pretty accurate. I hope you're having a great weekend sweet guy....

Alison said...

Ah Peter, those are fabulous! I think the dogs don't like the smell of our breath!! and I can't stop singing Twinkle, Twinkle...thanks a lot!!

Sandy said...

Funny stuff as usual Peter in both this post and the previous one.
I'll have to share a couple of these with a friend as I'm sure she'll get as much of a laugh as I did.

Jeanette said...

Hi Peter. Got some good Definitions there.
Bye the way A good time was had by all, but all good things must come to an end all heading home tomorrow ,

Marcus said...

G'day Pop
I see you've been renovating.
How's the poetry book project going?
Was my second submission up to scratch?

Cheers
Love Marcus

Jamie Dawn said...

Lots of goodies here!
iboobs.
What will they think of next?
iballs?

Dave said...

*LOL* Excellent post!!!!

I had to forward them on to my brother!

Walker said...

LMAO!
I got to get me one of those cameras

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

GREAT set of definitions! I loved those.