"In the beginning"


The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Chemical Analysis of Woman.

As promised, the chemical analysis for "woman" has come in from the laboratory.

Element: Woman.

Symbol: Wo. (even the lab couldn't come up with a descriptive symbol)

Quantitative Analysis: Accepted at 36-24-36, though isotopes ranging from 25-10-25 to 60-55-60 have been identified.

Discoverer: Adam (has been alternating between pleasure and despair ever since)

Occurrence: Found wherever Man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic singlet state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

a) Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely nothing and freezes at a moments notice.

b) Totally unpredictable.

c) Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not well used.

d) Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

e) Non-magnetic, but attracted to money and sports cars.

f) In its natural shape, the specimen varies considerably, but it is often changed artificially so well that the change is indiscernible except to the experienced eye.

Chemical Properties:

a) Has great affinity for Au, Ag and Cu, especially in the crystalline form.

b) May give violent reaction if left alone.

c) Will absorb great amounts of food matter.

d) Highly desired reaction is initiated with reagents such as C(2)-H(5)-OH, and sexy aftershave lotions.

e) An essential catalyst is often required (you must say you love her at least five times daily).

f) Reaction accelerates when in the dark and all reaction conditions are suitable. g) Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable pure form.

h) Yields to pressure applied at the correct points.

i) The reaction is highly exothermic.


Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years, but claims are made for specimens of far greater age. (when age is admitted)


a) Highly ornamental.

b) Used as a tonics for low spirits.

c) Used on lonely nights as a heating agent - if properly prepared.


a) Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw, natural state.

b) Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.


Most powerful reducing agent known to Man (income and ego).

Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Specimen must be used with great care if experiments are to succeed.

It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, though a certain amount of exchange is permitted.


Dave said...

*LOL* real good one Peter!

Glad to see you back too.

Pamela said...

I should think highly explosive in experienced hands, too... hmmmmm

Now I see I need to read the man analysis, too.

Cliff said...

These two were great Peter.
They'd be funny if not so darned on target.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Peter. This is the second comment for me... the first one went somewhere else.

I quite like that chemical analysis...very clever.

Jack K. said...


Great post, Peter.

Maria said...

This quote of the day came in an email this morning. I think it is the perfect comment to your post. LOL

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.