"In the beginning"


The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas 6

I would like to wish all my friends a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

'Twas The (P C ) Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

He had gone on Oprah, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing just for girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
You've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

Author unknown

Thanks for staying with me during 2009, hope to see you all in 2010


kenju said...

Of course you'll see me in 2010! Merry Christmas, Peter.

Faye said...

Happy Holidays Peter! I'm politically correct in some circles with this greeting, not so much in others. But what the hey, I think "Happy Holidays", so that's what I say. And anyway, according to your limericks, we can't win anyway! :-)

I hope you have a Christmas and New Year that's exactly to your liking. See you in the blogosphere in 2019.

Faye said...

Oops make that 2010. Not too sure I'll be around in 2019!

Walker said...

The gift of peace for Christmas is all we need.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Peter to you and yours

willowtree said...

Merry Christmas Peter.

Rachel said...

Of course we'll stay with you Peter!! I did enjoy that poem! Poor Santa!! :)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Merry Christmas, Peter and to hell with those politically correct whackos!

See you next year...hopefully on the 23rd?

Cliff said...

Yep,,I'll be here in 2010 and beyond. The poem would be funny if it weren't true. We're circling the drain for sure.
I read and enjoyed all of your holiday funnies. Good stuff.
MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and yours Peter.

Pamela said...

oh so true. Poor Santa.
and I'm late for wishing Merry's but you knew I thought it!!