"In the beginning"


The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Friday, October 21, 2005

A Kiwi Crisis

Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone.

"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated thet the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

PM: "Shut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - wi'll be ruined!"

Hilth Munister: "We're going to hef to shup some in from abroad. Brutain?..."

PM: "No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!"

Hilth Munister: "What about Australia ?"

PM: "Maybe - but we don't want them to know thet we are stuck."

Hilth Munister: "You call John Howard - tell hum we need one moollion condoms; ten enches long and eight enches thuck! That way they'll know how bug the Kiwis really are!!"

Helen calls John, who agrees to help the Kiwis out in their hour of need. Three days later a van arrives in Auckland - full of boxes. A delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds condoms; 10 unches long; 8 unches thuck, all coloured green and gold.

She then notices in small writing on each and ivery one.


I've been accused of Kiwi bashing so let's have at 'em.

Try to pronounce the words as they are written, they really do have that sort of accent.


OldHorsetailSnake said...

For shame (he says, giggling).

Bubba's Girl said...

Too funny!

Wanted to let you know you hit home with the father's poem. Bubba had to stop and wipe his eyes several times while reading it to me. My week's not complete unless I hear my Bubba blubber over a beautiful thing. Appreciate it!

Big Dave T said...

So . . . New Zealanders have a different accent from Aussies? Is it a more refined version of the Australian brogue?

That was a beautiful poem you published just before. You figure it could be true too. Kids live in tough times; they learn to adjust.

Peter said...

What's this about an Australian accent (brouge)
we don't have an accent, we know the queens english, think hubby Phil might be a Greek though.
Some of my favourite accents are, Irish, Scots, NZ, deep south of USA, just love listening to Jeff Foxworthy, he's funny and has the accent.

Carol said...

Hi Peter,
You have been nominated for friendless site of the week.
Now calm down, all friendless means is that you appear to have less than 5 comments/post.
Anyways, congratulations and check out my site on Friendly Friday.

Merle said...

This one is really funny - especially the punch line!!!
You got some good responses too.
I saw this in today's paper
My girlfriend was walking her 2 dogs in the park & a passer-by asked "Are they Jack Russells"?
She replied No they are mine>

kenju said...

I love the joke, Peter!