2005 California Driver's License Exam:

When there's nowhere else to go just head down the
comedy/humor route, that's what this is, in case any
Califorians are gettin' upset.

2005 California Drivers License Examination.

-For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live
in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's
Exam, and for those of you who do .... study real hard.

This is a new Exam.

Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique
in California, you may not have realized that the
California Department of Motor Vehicles has now
issued a special Application and driver's test solely
for the California area.

2005 CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION

Name: ___________________

Stage Name:__________________

Agent: ___________________

Attorney:____________________

Therapist's Name: _________________

Sex:

[ ] Male

[ ] Female*

[ ] Formerly Male

[ ] Formerly Female

[ ] Both
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to
safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?

[ ] Yes [ ] No

Please list brand of cell phone(s): ________.

If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why
you don't:

________________________________________

(Use extra pages, if necessary)

Please check hair color:

Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde

Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple

[ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead [ ] Other ___________

Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that apply)

[ ] Eating

[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee

[ ] Applying make-up

[ ] Shaving (male or female)

[X] Talking on the phone
(already checked for your convenience)

[ ] Lifting weights

[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat

[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs

[ ] Tanning

[ ] Snorting cocaine

[ ] Watching TV

[ ] Reading Variety

[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

[ ] Discharging firearms / reloading

Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to:

[ ] a) Shoot at other drivers ___

[ ] b) Be shot at ___

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should
immediately:

[ ] a) Call the police to report the crime.

[ ] b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then
watch your car on the news in a high- speed chase.

[ ] c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against

cellular phone company for your 911 call not going
through.

[ ] d) Call your therapist.

In the event of an earthquake, you should:

[ ] a) Stop your car.

[ ] b) Keep driving and hope for the best.

[ ] c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all
loved ones.

[ ] d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for
Channel 9.

In the instance of rain, you should:

[ ] a) Never drive over 5 MPH.

[ ] b) Drive twice as fast as usual.

[ ] c) You're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate your current number of therapy
sessions

per week: ________

Are you presently taking any of the following
medications?

[ ] a) Prozac

[ ] b) Zovirax

[ ] c) Lithium

[ ] d) Zanax

[ ] e) Valium

[ ] f) Medical pot

[ ] g) Zoloft

[ ] h) All of the above

[ ] i) None of the above*

* If none, please explain: ________________

Length of daily commute:

[ ] a) Less than 1 hour*

[ ] b) 1 hour

[ ] c) 2 hours

[ ] d) 3 hours

[ ] e) 4 hours or more

* If less than 1 hour, please explain:________________

When stopped by police, you should:

[ ] a) Pull over and have your driver's license and
insurance form ready.

[ ] b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on
the freeway.

[ ] c) Have your video camera ready and provoke
them to attack,

thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit profit.

When you see a woman driver with her arm extended
out the window, it means:

[ ] a) Her turn-signals are broken.

[ ] b) She is giving an indication she intends to
change lanes.

[ ] c) She is drying her nails.

Which part of your car will wear out first?

[ ] a) The wiper blades

[ ] b) The seat belts

[ ] c) The horn

Automatic door locks are good for:

[ ] a) Security

[ ] b) Convenience

[ ] c) Messing with the heads of people trying to
get in.

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:

[ ] a) Dark, poorly lit roads

[ ] b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of
the way

[ ] c) Revenge