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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Monday, November 28, 2005

2005 California Driver's License Exam:



When there's nowhere else to go just head down the
comedy/humor route, that's what this is, in case any
Califorians are gettin' upset.


2005 California Drivers License Examination.


-For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live
in
California, here is a copy of the California Driver's
Exam, and for those of you who do .... study real hard.

This is a new Exam.


Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique
in
California, you may not have realized that the
California
Department of Motor Vehicles has now
issued a special Application and driver's test solely
for the
California area.


2005 CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION

Name: ___________________

Stage Name:__________________

Agent: ___________________

Attorney:____________________

Therapist's Name: _________________


Sex:

[ ] Male

[ ] Female*

[ ] Formerly Male

[ ] Formerly Female

[ ] Both
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______



Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to
safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?

[ ] Yes [ ] No


Please list brand of cell phone(s): ________.


If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why
you don't:

________________________________________

(Use extra pages, if necessary)



Please check hair color:


Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde

Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple

[ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead [ ] Other ___________



Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that apply)


[ ] Eating

[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee

[ ] Applying make-up

[ ] Shaving (male or female)

[X] Talking on the phone
(already checked for your convenience)

[ ] Lifting weights

[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat

[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs

[ ] Tanning

[ ] Snorting cocaine

[ ] Watching TV

[ ] Reading Variety

[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

[ ] Discharging firearms / reloading



Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to:

[ ] a) Shoot at other drivers ___

[ ] b) Be shot at ___



If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should
immediately:


[ ] a) Call the police to report the crime.

[ ] b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then
watch your car on the news in a high- speed chase.

[ ] c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against

cellular phone company for your 911 call not going
through.

[ ] d) Call your therapist.



In the event of an earthquake, you should:

[ ] a) Stop your car.

[ ] b) Keep driving and hope for the best.

[ ] c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all
loved ones.

[ ] d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for
Channel 9.



In the instance of rain, you should:

[ ] a) Never drive over 5 MPH.

[ ] b) Drive twice as fast as usual.

[ ] c) You're not sure what "rain" is.



Please indicate your current number of therapy
sessions

per week: ________



Are you presently taking any of the following
medications?

[ ] a) Prozac

[ ] b) Zovirax

[ ] c) Lithium

[ ] d) Zanax

[ ] e) Valium

[ ] f) Medical pot

[ ] g) Zoloft

[ ] h) All of the above

[ ] i) None of the above*

* If none, please explain: ________________



Length of daily commute:

[ ] a) Less than 1 hour*

[ ] b) 1 hour

[ ] c) 2 hours

[ ] d) 3 hours

[ ] e) 4 hours or more

* If less than 1 hour, please explain:________________



When stopped by police, you should:

[ ] a) Pull over and have your driver's license and
insurance form ready.

[ ] b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on
the freeway.

[ ] c) Have your video camera ready and provoke
them to attack,

thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit profit.



When you see a woman driver with her arm extended
out the window, it means:


[ ] a) Her turn-signals are broken.

[ ] b) She is giving an indication she intends to
change lanes.

[ ] c) She is drying her nails.



Which part of your car will wear out first?


[ ] a) The wiper blades

[ ] b) The seat belts

[ ] c) The horn



Automatic door locks are good for:


[ ] a) Security

[ ] b) Convenience

[ ] c) Messing with the heads of people trying to
get in.




The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:

[ ] a) Dark, poorly lit roads

[ ] b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of
the way

[ ] c) Revenge




9 comments:

jules said...

Hmmmm.... I live in Texas, but I think I might be able to pass this one! And I HATE TESTS!

PS-Peter, THANK YOU for visiting my "naughty" site too. Love you.

bubba said...

I live in california. What is funny is all of it in one way or the other is true in hollywood. LOL.

Big Dave T said...

I thought like Bubba said--the person who made these up really knows California.

Hea, maybe this isn't the right place to mention this, but I noticed that my big dave blogger mailbox has been receiving multiple mailings from unknown senders bearing attachments. I suspect virus. I delete them all, of course.

About half of them seem to be coming from addresses with an Australian domain (.au). Are you getting these too? I don't know anybody else from Australia.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I imagine most people will have a favorite in this list. Mine is "Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)." Gasser.

Regarding your post below, I am one of those who found Cynical Cyn through you, and I am returning regular-like. So thanks.

Jamie Dawn said...

I was born and raised in CA and my family just moved from CA this past July.
I still have my CA driver's license and I'm proud of it!
Funny post! And too close to the truth!!

Maria said...

So glad to get this new form. My California Drivers license is due to expire next year and I will need all the help I can get, passing the new exam. Well, I will start with happy pills, and work my way around to the other parts of the questionaire.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

LOL. I love this CA drivers license form!

The Heir said...

Automatic door locks are good for (c) messing with the heads of people trying to get in. That ones universal

gngdrivingschool said...

Hye me looking forward for getting a license myself and I think it shouldn't be that difficult for me to pass drivers ed online as have done my preparations well for that.