"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Driving Incidents


I hope you have all been law-abiding drivers lately,
else ya might think I’m pickin’ on ya.
 
 Glasses?             
 
 A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.
He says "Lady, it says here that you should be
wearing glasses."
 
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
 
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know!
You're getting a ticket!"

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…

Older woman; “Is there a problem officer?”

Officer; “Ma’am, you were speeding.”

Older woman; “Oh, I see.”

Officer; “Can I see your license please?”

Older woman; “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”

Officer; “You don’t have one?”

Older woman; “Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.”

Officer; “I see, can I see your vehicle registration papers please.”

Older woman; “I can’t do that.”

Officer “Why not.”

Older woman; “I stole this car.”

Officer; “You stole it?”

Older woman; “Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.”

Officer; “You what?”

Older woman; “His body parts are in the trunk if you want to see.”

The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.

Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.

A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2; “Ma’am, could you step out of the vehicle please.”

Older woman; Stepping out, “Is there a problem sir?”

Officer 2; “One of my officers told me you stole this car and murdered the owner.”

Older woman; “Murdered the owner?”

Officer 2; “Yes, could you please open the trunk of the car.”

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: “Is this your car ma’am?”

Older woman; “Yes here are the registration papers.”

Officer 2; Stunned, “One of my officers told me you didn’t have a drivers license.”

The woman digs in her handbag, finds her license and hands it to the officer.

Officer 2; Looking very puzzled, “Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me

That you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car and murdered the owner.”

Older woman; “Bet the liar told you I was speeding too.”

Moral; Don’t mess with little old ladies.


Juggling Test

             
 A juggler who was driving to his next performance was
stopped by the police.

"What are those knives doing in your car?"
asked the officer.
 
"I juggle them in my act."
 
"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."
So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.
 
A guy driving by sees this and says,
"Wow, am I glad I quit drinking.
Look at the test they're making you do now!"

7 comments:

kenju said...

Oldies, but goodies. I enjoyed them!

bubba said...

Love them too. I do.

Trucker Bob said...

Good stuff Peter! Interested in taking over my "Saturday Chuckles" page as a Guest Contributor?

Marcus said...

I'm impressed, an offer to be guest blogger!
I was checking out some of your comments at HoltPress and responded to one of them then thought I'd paste it in here coz sometimes the conversations hit dead ends coz they're too hard to find or go back to. This follows the Bush Portrait you suggested might resemble Hoss.

"Looks more like Latigo Flint to me!
Which reminds me, did you find Latigo by surfing/next blogging or were you searching for family Flints?
I like his stuff, although some of it is a little disturbing! but I particularly like his responses to people's comments."
yyftdyuf

Big Dave T said...

Guess I must be younger than Kenju. Never heard them before.

I just got my first speeding ticket though after 35 years of driving. Tweren't funny at all.

Peter said...

Hi all, way back, I think my second posting, I said something like, "they may be old, they may be new, they may be clean, they may be blue, but they will be funny!"
I just hope "they will be funny" isn't too far off the mark.
WV = olfrbw, (ol' farts bloody wit????)

Ivy the Goober said...

I thought they were all funny. And even if I had heard them, if it's been long enough they're new again :)