I hope you have all been law-abiding drivers lately,
else ya might think I’m pickin’ on ya.
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.
He says "Lady, it says here that you should be
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know!
You're getting a ticket!"
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Officer; “Ma’am, you were speeding.”
Older woman; “Oh, I see.”
Officer; “Can I see your license please?”
Older woman; “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”
Officer; “You don’t have one?”
Older woman; “Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.”
Officer; “I see, can I see your vehicle registration papers please.”
Older woman; “I can’t do that.”
Officer “Why not.”
Older woman; “I stole this car.”
Officer; “You stole it?”
Older woman; “Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.”
Officer; “You what?”
Older woman; “His body parts are in the trunk if you want to see.”
The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.
Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2; “Ma’am, could you step out of the vehicle please.”
Older woman; Stepping out, “Is there a problem sir?”
Officer 2; “One of my officers told me you stole this car and murdered the owner.”
Older woman; “Murdered the owner?”
Officer 2; “Yes, could you please open the trunk of the car.”
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: “Is this your car ma’am?”
Older woman; “Yes here are the registration papers.”
Officer 2; Stunned, “One of my officers told me you didn’t have a drivers license.”
The woman digs in her handbag, finds her license and hands it to the officer.
Officer 2; Looking very puzzled, “Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me
That you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car and murdered the owner.”
Older woman; “Bet the liar told you I was speeding too.”
Moral; Don’t mess with little old ladies.
A juggler who was driving to his next performance was
stopped by the police.
"What are those knives doing in your car?"
asked the officer.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."
So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.
A guy driving by sees this and says,
"Wow, am I glad I quit drinking.
Look at the test they're making you do now!"