"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Monday, November 07, 2005

God Versus Satan

In the beginning

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated The Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, and green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Peters Ice Cream and Donuts. Satan said "You want chocolate with that?" and Man said "Yes," and Woman said "and while you're at it add some sprinkles." They gained 10 pounds. Satan smiled.

Then God created the healthful yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them and Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken and fried steak so big it needed its own platter. Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Cake" and Said "It is good." Satan created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose Those extra pounds. Instead, Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the Starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them. Man gained more pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. Satan created McDonald's and its $3.50 double cheeseburger. Then said,

"You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes! And super size them!" Satan said "it is good." And Man went into Cardiac arrest.


God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created the Queensland Health System.

11 comments:

Prerona said...

Thanks for the visit Peter. This was really cute :)

bubba said...

I am thinking that your health system maybe be like my VA system.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Don't know a thing about the Queensland Health System, but at least it has one. Better than the states. If you can't afford expensive private health insurance here, we just let you have poor health and die.

Funny script. Loved it.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I didn't see that coming.

Holtie 1, Hoss 0

Theresa said...

I so was not expecting the last line! LOL

Big Dave T said...

Is a McDonalds double cheeseburger really $3.50 there down under? In the states it's on the dollar menu.

kenju said...

I hope this isn't a round-about way to tell us you have high cholesteral!!

Ivy the Goober said...

Oh, so then THE DEVIL MADE ME EAT IT? ha ha!

Peter said...

Hi all, perhaps I need to clear up the health system a little, Quuensland had a really terrific health system until the pollies got to it about 20 years ago, it is still by world standards an excellent health system, it just ain't nowhere near as good as it was.
More specifically, holtie 1 hoss 0!!!!!!!!!!! hey that's twice out of .... lots hoss you need to lift your game.
Dave, we don't have a dollar menu at Macca's here I'm not even sure we have "double" cheeseburgers, and I have no idea what they cost if they do exist.
Judy, no my cholesteral levels are OK but I certainly good stand to loose SOME weight.
Last but not least Ivy, of course the devil made you do it, and probably not just what you ate.

Cliff Morrow said...

Excuse me , I'm off to find a pie or cake. New York vanilla on the side.

Müzikdüde said...

While I am not actually satan...I feel a certain kinship to his tasty deeds.

You've colored me evil.