"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

A Gravy Ladle


A gravy ladle

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal,
his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's
roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between John and his roommate and this only
made her more curious. Over the course of the evening,
while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if
there was more between John and the roommate than met
the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered,
"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,
Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner,
I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.
"You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said,
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to
be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy
ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not'
take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has
been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his
mother which read:

"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie,
and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed,
she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"


The Joy Of Boys - This from a mother


"Things I've learned from my boys":


1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a
2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over
them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults
in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor
is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing
Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can,
to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan
is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to
throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a ball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop
a ball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh",
it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke -- lots of it.

9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock
even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it
in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract
of a 4-year old boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in
the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool
you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jelly.

15.) VCR's do not eject "Peanut Paste & Jam" sandwiches
even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic
toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earthworms dizzy.

22.) The spin cycle on the washing machine will, however,
make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox
and brake fluid.

25.) 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their
friends, with or without kids.

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical.
b) For those who already have children past this age,
this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is
a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is
birth control.


7 comments:

Merle said...

Hi Peter - What a clever Mum hiding he gravy ladle.
Some good jokes again & I needed them tonight. Have been worried about Kath Stewart, she had a tumour taken out of her head yest
& has another on a rib, & 2 on her spine which they plan to hit with radiation. Hope she will be OK but thats a lot of cancers after the breast.

bubba said...

My boys discovered that if a person blows in one nostril hole then air comes out the other.

Big Dave T said...

I liked the one about the toilet and "uh oh." We heard "uh oh" a lot with our second child. Like when I took him to a fast food restaurant which was running a contest having to do with racing, with a cardboard replica of a race car sitting in the dining area.

The guy ahead of me in line asked where he was supposed to put his contest entry. The manager looked over and said, "Uh oh." My son was sitting on the cardboard racer where the entries were supposed to go.

Ivy the Goober said...

OK it's hilarious to me :)

Cliff Morrow said...

Again, and excellent fun filled post peter. Thanks!

Tan Lucy Pez said...

*sigh* Yeah. Boys can be rough on a mom.

Jamie Dawn said...

About the gravy ladle: All that mom had to say was "Gotcha!"