"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Help for a stroke victim

There is some very good advice on recognising stroke
symptons at "Ms Vickie's" site, go have a look it could
be important some day, may even save a life.



Now as the site is open I'll just include this stuff.

As Time Goes By


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club
and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics
class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up
and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"
the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your

own Easter eggs.

--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up
to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your
husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries,
a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than
a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me
dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with
dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and
feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost
all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

--- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says,
"Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor,
"you're 97 Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man.
"That's why I want it lowered!"

--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told
her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted
to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered
over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed.
"Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my
memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
coffeemaker.

---The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look
at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
"For fast relief."

---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my
age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your
inner child playing with matches.

---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!

--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.

17 comments:

Boobabe said...

I guess I won't be growing ols anytime soon since I'm cracking up at this post. ;)

Thanks for the link to Vickie's. Very good advice.

Thanks for dropping by my blog.

Big Dave T said...

I liked the one about the guy with all the ills still having a driver's license. I've observed a lot of those folks driving down in Florida.

Good jokes all.

bubba said...

I resemble those remarks.

Prerona said...

I love the last one the best! There aint no such thing as old :)
Only ripe and mature and wise!

Marcus said...

G'day Pop
I've solved one of your mysteries, where is "other"?
Go to my Neo Counter and run your cursor across the "other?" icon and all will be revealed!!

kenju said...

I laughed at the one about the driver's license and the 92 year old. A woman who was 92 hit my hubs about 4 years ago and while it was obviously her fault, she argued vehemently that he was the cause. The state trooper knew better.

Her obit showed up in our paper this morning. She was 96. Thank God she won't be driving anymore.

Ms. Vickie said...

Thank you Peter for your kidness and support. In both promoting education that could just possibly help safe a life and also sending people my way. You are a neat one. (don't tell Bob, it's our secret)LOL

Tan Lucy Pez said...

LOL. I love'em all.

Maria said...

Thanks for the information on strokes....very valuable for everyone.
I had a good laugh at the rest of the post. And today is the kind of day when I needed to read something funny. so thanks for raising my spirits a little.

jules said...

Dearest Peter,
I am SO sorry I made you cry. Please forgive me. You may come and work with me in dispatch at the LOSB. But you cannot type. We don't want to send our superheros to the wrong address.
Sincerely and with deepest and heartfelt apologies (damn, almost didn't get that out!)

Jules

Jamie Dawn said...

I like the on about "No Peer Pressure." I guess at age 104 you'd get the last word and the last laugh on all of your peers.
These are cute ways of trying to make us not feel toooo badly about aging. I'm 42, and I'm determined to exercise and keep myself healthy, but I like good food too much to deny myself some good eatin' along the way.

Ivy the Goober said...

I like these, Super Peter. -
Super-Hero of Australia !!!

Jerry said...

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

That is great, Peter! I found your blog from Cliff's blog.

No_Newz said...

Hahaha! All very funny jokes! (minus the strokey thingy at the top a course)
Thanks for the great start to my weekend. I hope yours is great! :)
Lois Lane

Cliff Morrow said...

Peter ,,good stuff here. I liked the coffee maker one. I'll stop back when I've got more time.

bornfool said...

Good ones. You had me laughing several times. Some of these aregetting too familiar. lol

Peter said...

Hi all, glad to be of service.