God was just about done creating humans, but he had two parts left
over and couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve.
He thought he might just as well ask them.
He told them one of the things he had left was a thing that would
allow the owner to pee while standing up.
"It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if
either one of you had a preference for it."
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, please give that
to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort
of thing a man should have Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!"
On and on he went like an excited little boy. Eve just smiled and
told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it.
So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.
Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place -
first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand,
and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away -
laughing with delight all the while.
God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to
Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I
"What's it called?" asked Eve.
"Brains," said God.
Two women were playing golf;
One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly
toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men;
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to
the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to
"Please allow me to help. I'm a physiotherapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man
replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still
clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help;
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side,
loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered
tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked,
"How does that feel?"
He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."