"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

WHY DO MEN PEE STANDING UP


God was just about done creating humans, but he had two parts left

over and couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve.

He thought he might just as well ask them.

He told them one of the things he had left was a thing that would

allow the owner to pee while standing up.

"It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if

either one of you had a preference for it."

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, please give that

to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort

of thing a man should have Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!"

On and on he went like an excited little boy. Eve just smiled and

told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it.

So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.

Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place -

first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand,

and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away -

laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to

Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I

have left."

"What's it called?" asked Eve.

"Brains," said God.


Two women were playing golf;

One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly

toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.


The ball hit one of the men;

He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to

the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to

apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a physiotherapist and I know I could

relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man

replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still

clasping his hands together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help;

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side,

loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered

tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked,

"How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

13 comments:

mreddie said...

It's the surprise endings that always gets the chuckle. :) ec

bubba said...

I'll try that out on wife. hehehe

kenju said...

HAhahahaha!

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ That first post you must have meant for Merle's blog. You can keep the second here though. I kind of (vicarously) enjoyed that one! ~ jb///

Jamie Dawn said...

My brains are telling me to laugh right now!

That guy will want to hurt his thumb more often!!

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ I looked at Merle's site and it is CORRECT in an IE viewer. So I have printed out the source code of both sites for comparison (hopefully tonight) and let you know what I find out. ~ Keep the FAITH! ~ jb///

Karen said...

Those are great!! Thanks for the big laughs! :-D

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Wonderful! I'm stealing these and e-mailing them to my non-blogging friends.

bornfool said...

That last one was the best laugh I've had all day. lol.

Merle said...

Hi Peter I liked the first one best, specially the last line.
Poor Adam!

Ivy the Goober said...

Too funny! I sure wish I could pee standing up. Well... I guess I CAN, just not with much accuracy.

Cliff Morrow said...

Good ones Peter!

Theresa said...

OHH! LOL! Loved the last one! Typical guy! ;)