"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Kids Learn Fast


NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.

She was stark naked!

As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back
seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.

So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.

Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom
and came out with my toothbrush.

He held it up and said with a charming little smile,

"We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few
days ago.

OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother.

The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily
those of his parents."

KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.

During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer the phone.

"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.

Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."

MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room.

When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,

"What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.

The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.

As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered,

"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.

When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned,

"Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

And why not, darling?"

"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."



DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.

Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box
and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorousdignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always
said:

Glory be unto the Faather, and unto the Sonnn ...
and into the hole he goooes."

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school.

"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read,
I can't write and they won’t let me talk!"

BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible.

He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.

Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.

He picked up the object and looked at it.

What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found", the boy called out.

What have you got there, dear?"

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
"I think it's Adam's underwear."




13 comments:

Merle said...

Peter ~~ Some great jokes here.

Thanks Marcus for your comment.
Maybe when I get broadband will
help. Meanwhile, Congrats on one
year of blogging.

Peter See you soon.

bubba said...

now there was some funny stuff there. Thanks for the laugh.

bornfool said...

Those were some good ones. The tooth fairy one did make me lol.
Also, thanks for stopping by Anne's blog. I know she appreciated it and I do too. You're one of the good one's too, Peter.

I don't know that I'll ever get this comment posted. I just scrolled down and word verification "word" looks like it's written in sanskrit. I know I won't get it on the first try. :)

Karen said...

Kids are such a wonder :-) The toothbrush one had me laughing out loud.

Thanks for sharing them. Have a great day!

Theresa said...

LOL! Those were wonderfully funny! I needed the laughs! Thank you!

JunieRose2005 said...

Peter,

These were great!

I think the 'no seat belt ' one was the best!! :)

June

mreddie said...

So young - so much wisdom. :) ec

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Those were hell-a cute!

Frap Gurl said...

"Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ... and into the hole he gooooes."

This is soooo my 7 year old..he is in Catholic school and at church all the time with his pap that sings in the choir..... Toooo funny!!!!

poopie said...

We should all think more like kids. It would cut out a lot of the discord in this world!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

These are terrific, Peter.

("...into the hole he gooooes." drew out-loud laughter from Hoss.)

Joy Des Jardins said...

I don't think there's anything funnier or wiser than what comes out of kids' mouths. Thanks for the laughs Peter....they were great!

Hale McKay said...

...From the mouths of babes! Great stuf, Peter.