"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Friday, March 17, 2006

That's Life. (as Sinatra said)


Thinking back over your life can be an interesting thing to do….

or not


The Story of my Working Life.


My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got

canned...couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't

hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it ...

mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too

exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice

to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I

couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found

I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have

any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't

fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that

I couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance

company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I

wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally

got a job as a historian until I realized there was no

future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit

because it was always the same old grind.

SO I RETIRED AND I FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR

THE JOB!

A touching story of love and marriage.

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he

suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip

cookies wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself

from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the

bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the

stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing

into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself

already in heaven.

There spread out upon the newspapers on the kitchen table

were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies,

was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his

devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the

table.
The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a

cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly

smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said, they're for the funeral."


12 comments:

Jacqui said...

Hi, I have written a post but can't work out how yto publsh it, I left your very good instructions on the mainland

Cliff Morrow said...

Peter, I think my wife is baking something right now but I don't have the nerve to ask what it's for. I always enjoy that story.
On your life at work, you forgot your job pulling a manure spreader,, you know, the one you had to quit because you were already full of.... oop's look at the time, I gotta go.
good stuff Peter.

Theresa said...

I was so not expecting that ending!

JunieRose2005 said...

Peter,

:)
...and my husband said he tried being a COWBOY
but he soon got tired of the Bull S***!


JunieRose

JunieRose2005 said...

Oh, my, Peter!
That last one is BAD!! :)
Took me by surprise!!

Junie

bornfool said...

Great joke. I tried being a judge but it was a constant trial.

Big Dave T said...

These are always fun to try yourself. Let's see . . .

I wanted to become an executioner, but I just couldn't get the hang of it.

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ Funny post! Hope all is well! ~ I have been in New York all week and have not done much blooger! I'll need to get caught up! Later buddy! ~ jb///

bornfool said...

Ever since I read this post earlier today I've been trying to come up with one for my job. Finally it came when I quit trying so hard.

I worked as a Correctional Officer for awhile, but I found it too confining.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Da Gal said...

LOL Peter these are great. I have to share these with my friend who thinks he's a freaking comic... wait why am I going to do this because it means I will probably have to listen to him recite them again and again... oyyy sometimes I am slow because even though I already realized this I will still send them on. Who am I to deny this man's pleasure despite knowing it will bring me pain.

Here's one I don't think is on your list...

I found my gig working late nights for the cemetary until the learned i just wouldn't dig.

teehee look at that I even rhymed!

SJ said...

I joined the Navy but they had a crew cut...

I was a doorman but just couldn't stand it...

BTW I've got some ORIGINAL humor at http://arentwebeingfunny.blogspot.com

Hale McKay said...

LOL - "they're for the funeral!"

I tried out for a porno flick, but I kept coming up short.