"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

The story of my life, contiued.


The Story of My Life...


When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so

I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In

college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.

Everything was anemergency; she was a drama queen, cried

all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a

girl with stability. When I was 25 I found a very stable girl

but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never

got excited about anything.

Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with

some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep

up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never

settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and

made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun

initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided

to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 31,

I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly

on the ground and married her.

She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took

everything I owned. I am now older and wiser, and am

now looking for a girl with big tits.


CallGirl

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit

lonely, so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you

see advertised in phone booths when you're calling

for a cab.

I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl

calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over

in the photo.

She had all the right curves in all the right places,

beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the

way up... you know the kind.

So I'm in my room and figure, "What the heck,

I'll give her a call." "Hello?" the woman says.

Wow! She sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great

massage and I'd like you to come to my room and

give me one. No, wait, Ishould be straight with you.

I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex.

I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now.

I'm talking kinky the whole night long.

You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys,

everything you've got in your bag! of tricks.

We'll go hot and heavy allnight; tie me up, wear

a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and

whipped cream, anything you want, baby! Now,

how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic....

but for an outside line, Sir,you need to press 9."


THE WORLD’S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE


Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl,
“Will you marry me?” The girl said,
“NO!” And the guy lived happily ever
after and went fishing, hunting and
played golf a lot and drank beer and
farted whenever he wanted.
The End


As a footnote to this post please let me assure all t

he ladies that read this, the views stated within are

not necessarily those of the management.


(mind you, they are not necessarily not the views

of the management either.)


8 comments:

bornfool said...

Loved every one of them Peter, including the caveat at the end. At first, I thought the beginning one was the story of your life. lol.

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ For a moment I thought it was your story of your life, but soon
realised it was not. Very clever.
I feel better if you think blogger was
having trouble. I gave Jacqui that list
on how to post, very clear and thankfully did not start with turn on the computer. She must have left that too, as she was planning to post from
Kangaroo Island.

Jamie Dawn said...

I think married guys fart whenever they want too.

StringMan said...

Hahaha! Peter, those are great. You had the hook in my mouth on the first one. I was waiting for a stuffy philosophical ending, and the big tits almost knocked me off my chair.

The truth does that to you sometimes, I guess :)

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Very nice site, and looks familiar. I like it.
How do you get the Edit Me s on the blogroll? Also I made a mistake with Bubba and have him on twice. He is mad at me because I broke his spell-checker !!! Cheers Merle.

Da Gal said...

Hmmm so any day now some man over the age of 31 will be knocking on my door. Is that the moral of this story? I'm over 31... I wonder if it will happen before I am 65.

kenju said...

Love the joke about the guy calling the Masseuse!

Hale McKay said...

It's a good thing that management doesn't read your blog.
...Great fairy Tale.