"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Etiquette


ETIQUETTE: not a complete list, feel free to add to the list!

Stringman has alerted me to the fact that some terms used
need translation overseas, note the italics for translations.

IN GENERAL

1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview. ( a small
bottle, usually of beer.)

2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting
at them. (Fields or open range sometimes.)


3. It's tacky to take an esky to church. (portable ice-box)

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the
sheets.


5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude
to take your ute and trailer to the funeral. (pickup truck

and U-Haul trailer, not a live in trailer which is a caravan!!)



DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup
and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
(Wine-cask, Chateau Cardboard)


2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one
hand.



ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centre piece for the table should never be anything
prepared by a
taxidermist. (Hillbilly... Oops sorry)

2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how
good his manners.



PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should
be done in private,
using one's OWN ute keys.
(see above)


2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of
money.


3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by
a few days.


4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it
alters the taste of
finger foods and if you are a woman it
can draw attention away from your
jewelry.


DATING

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on
the first date.


2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go
out with you ever since I read that stuff on
the dunny door two years ago."

(wc, bathroom, toilet, (often outdoors)


3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected
back. Some will
say
11:00 PM, others might say
"Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's
the man's
responsibility to get her to school on time.


THEATRE ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
after the movie
ends.

2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen.
Tests have
proven they can't hear you.


WEDDINGS

1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a
drop in your
popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also
considered out of place)


3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a
cummerbund and
a clean football jumper can create a
tacky appearance.


4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for
the occasion.



DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your
gun's loaded
and the roo's in your rifle sight.
( our national emblem, kangaroo)


2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest
roo-bar doesn't
always have the right of way.
(same as bull-bar)


3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can,
it's impolite to
ask her to bring back beer too. (Gas can.)



10 comments:

StringMan said...

Good ones, Peter. I was a little worried when the first three I read contained a stubby, a paddocks, and an esky. Then I hit ute on the fifth one. I was going to have to ask you for a glossary before I could do the rest. But it calmed down after that :) Fun to see the terms you use down under.

Jamie Dawn said...

Taxidermist: Now, THAT'S a word I'm familiar with!!

JunieRose2005 said...

:) very funny reading to start my day!


June

Karen said...

Those are a kick! Thanks for the giggles :-D

Have a great day!

Jacqui said...

Thanks for the praise, I did mean to mention Josh, but got carried away (so what's new) and forgot.

I was sure that the "Dead Horse" would have been posted before. Maybe no-one could find a big enough post bag.

Guess I should have quit while I was ahead.

Maria said...

Thank you for the heads-up on behavior down under. I will take note because they all apply here in the States, too. Well not the one about roo's. We only see them after drinking a lot of stubbies.

Theresa said...

Very funny stuff! You are always entertaining Peter!

bornfool said...

Funny stuff. Does that last one about the beer still count if you tell your wife she can drink one of the beers on her walk back?

YoderMan said...

Haha, thanks for the advice.

Cliff Morrow said...

Well she could carry the esky with beer in it in one hand and the gas can in the other.