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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Stop and smell the Coffee.


Hi all, we are having a late run of summer weather, (I believe you call it Indian
Summer in the States,) as is usual we also get a fair bit of windy weather in
Autumn, today was such a day, quite warm and with a strong breeze, or a light
wind.

Behind my house, about half a mile away as the crow fly’s, there is a Nestle’s
factory where theyproduce Golden Roast coffee, quite often I get a wonderful
coffee aroma coming through my backdoor, if the breeze is right and they are
running a particular process at the factory.

Today they were obviously running the process and the breeze was briskly
bringing me the coffee aroma, for the first time in the years I have lived here
this became over-powering today, I had to close the back door and keep that
lovely Autumn breeze out as the coffee smell was too strong.

Our 2006 football season has started, from my point of view not very well
as my team, The Lionswere beaten badly and to make matters worse, it was
by The Cats, the side my son Marcus supports, while there have been no barbs
as yet I fear there will be, we take our “Footy” very seriously here, early days
yet, but I didn’t see a lot to make me feel confident in that first game.

We have been promised an Easter present by the oil companies, a 16cpl,
(that’s about 60cpg) increase in the cost of fuel, one of the busiest times of the
year for traffic here, it just MIGHT help to keep the road-toll down if less
people are using the roads.

I hope these jokes don’t offend anyone while a bit risqué, I think they are
also funny.


These have been voted as the top 5 adult jokes for 2005.

Don’t ask me who voted, hope you haven’t heard them all before.



Number 5:


A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes
into her breast they are both quite startled.

The man turns to her And says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

Number 4:


A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman.
He notices she is reading amanual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book.
It says that American Indians have the longest penises and Jewish men
are the best in bed.

By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"

"Tonto Goldstein, nice to meet you."


Number 3:


One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his
wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist
appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over
and taps his wife again.

"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Number 2:


Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number
of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had
terrible compulsion.

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but
Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His
wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put
my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"My! God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired"

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh.. she got fired too."

Number 1:


A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years
ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as
jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."

Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples
are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.

"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

12 comments:

CameraDawktor said...

How lovely to have a coffee breeze. I would love that!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Great jokes. #2 was a riot.

I wish I could smell that aroma you wrote about. Maybe you can jar some air and ship it to Arizona.

kenju said...

Sorry, Peter, I have seen all those jokes before. But they are funny enough to merit a second look.

Coffee smells could not get too strong for me!

JunieRose2005 said...

Peter,

That coffee aroma through your back door sounds nice!
I LOVE my coffee- especially that first cup every morning!


June

Hale McKay said...

Maybe the coffee aroma was so strong because of the old ladies breast.

Cliff Morrow said...

My wife is a tough crowd but she laughed outloud at the last one. Thanks for the jokes and sorry about the coffee smell.

Jamie Dawn said...

Tonto Goldstein!! ha, ha, hee, hee....

I really enjoy the smell of coffee, but I don't like the taste of coffee. I can drink it if I add a lot of cream and sugar.

Jacqui said...

I love the smell of coffee, but can't drink it as it gives me indigestion, because I like the aroma so much, every so often I try a cup, but so far the result is the same.

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Don't envy you the coffee smell as I don't drink coffee either.
The jokes were funny. Cheers, Merle.

Maria said...

Since I live for my coffee, I would be enraptured by the aroma wafting across in a gentle breeze.

Your jokes were funny and I wasn't offended. I just plan on telling a couple of them to Bob when he wakes up this morning. I think it will be a good way to get the day started.

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ When I lived in Southern California, we called those "SANTANAS" ~ I think they call them "Santa Ana Winds" now. They would come in from the desert and go toward the ocean instead of the opposite (and normal) direction. But they NEVER came with the smell of COFFEE, (although it would have been nice!) ~ jb///

bornfool said...

I don't know who voted but they picked some good ones. I liked #5 and #1 the best.