"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Friday, May 12, 2006

It's All Too Confusing.

Regarding Hell.....

The following is an actual question given on a
University of
Liverpool
chemistry final exam.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is
why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using
Boyle's Law that gas cools when it expands and heats when
it is compressed or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in
time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving
into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that
we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not
leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls
are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that
exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if
you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially. Now, we lookat the rate of change of
the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant,
the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls
are added.

....This gives two possibilities:

1... If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell
will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2... If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop
until Hell freezes over.

....So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my
freshman year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep
with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her
last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure
that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over,
it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct
leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept
shouting "Oh my God."


Bears In Billings, MT

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana
and sits down.
He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says,
"We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings
."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served
a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,
"We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings
."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer,
I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry,
we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in
Billings
"

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised,
eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again
demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry,
we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars
in Billings
who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."

(...You're gonna love this...)

The bartender says,
"You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."



8 comments:

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ I liked the bear joke.
And I agree, we would have not got far if we tried to tie Mum up, I would not
have appreciated it either. No offense to any Yugoslavs who may be lurking.
Cheers, Merle.

Cliff Morrow said...

Two good ones Peter. Especially the bear.

JunieRose2005 said...

:)

Both very good!

June

Trucker Bob said...

Good one Peter!

I've been in a bar in Billings, and the description of the...oh, never mind. ;-)

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I thought this was beer in Australia: Foster's. No?

bornfool said...

That hell story was great. Somebody put a lot of time into that one.

FTS said...

I hope I never know the true answer to the first one. ;)

Lucy said...

Oh -- these were great -- Peter. Love, loved them