"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Not Another Bear Story.


It’s amazing how things can come in bunches, here are
another couple of bear stories that I just love.


Very Mixed Religion.

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as
chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University
in Marquette. They would get together two or three times
a week for coffee and to talk shop.


One day, someone made the comment that preaching to
people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be
to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they
decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into
the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert
it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their
experiences.


Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches,
and has various bandages, goes first.

"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear.
And when I found him I began to read to him from the
Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me
and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy
water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he
became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next
week to give him first communion and confirmation."


Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with
an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire
and brimstone oratory he claimed,

"WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went
out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my
bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing
to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to
wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN
another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him
and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he
became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in
Fellowship, feasting on God's Holy Word, and praising Jesus."


They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a
hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's
and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad
shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it,
circumcision may not have been the best way to start.




Bear Remover.

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he
looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for
Bear Removers.


He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over
in 30 minutes.


The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a
ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.


"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?


“I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm
going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this
baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to
grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be
subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of
the van."


He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.


“What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.


“If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."


11 comments:

Meow said...

Ooooh, your turn now ... FTS's spotlight blog. Yee haa.
Have a great week, Peter.
Take care, Meow

Karen said...

Those were great, thanks for the giggles.

Ezra is beautiful, congrats again! :-D

Theresa said...

That first one was hilarious!

Penny said...

And here I thought bears were all cute and cuddly ... or maybe that's just the stuffed ones, huh?
:)

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ Re: the DOG... Never hurts to have a GOOD BACK-UP PLAN! Good jokes! ~ jb///

Big Dave T said...

Northern Michigan University, eh. As a word of warning, I recently discovered that the state with the most fatal black bear maulings the past 100 years, outside of Alaska, is the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. So we do have some ornery bears in Michigan.

bornfool said...

Yep, shoot the dog. lol.

kenju said...

Love the jokes, Peter.

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Good jokes. I read the first one yesterday somewhere. Liked the second one and Jerry's back-up plan
comment. Take care, Merle.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Terrific, Peter. Worthy of stealing, which of course I will do.

Hale McKay said...

Both jokes are great! Good one's, Pete.