"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Rednecks.


Check the counter when you log in someone is gonna be
the 15,000 visitor today, it could be you.

Having spent nine years as a School Photographer I would
have gladly paid money to be there for this one.



Redneck Sexual Miss-Quotes.

A condom; is a large apartment complex.

Spread eagle; is an extinct bird.

Vagina; is a medical term used to describe a heart attack.

A menstrual cycle; has three wheels.

A G string; is part of a fiddle.

Anus; is a Latin term for yearly.

Testicles; are found on an octopus.

Asphalt; describes rectal problems.

Masturbate; is used to catch large fish.

Fetus; is a character in Gunsmoke.

An umbilical cord; is part of a parachute.

A pubic hair; is a wild rabbit.

An orgasm; is a person who accompanies a church choir.

A diaphragm; is a drawing in geometry.

An erection; is when Japanese people vote.

A lesbian; is a person from the Middle East.

Pornography; is taking pictures.

Genitals; are people of non-Jewish origin.


Paternity.

A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde
wave at him and says hello, he's rather taken back, because
he can't place where he knows her from, so he says.

"Do you know me?"


To which she replies.

"I think you're the father of one of my kids.

Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife and says.

"My god, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that
I laid on the pool table with, with all my buddies watching,
while your partner whipped me with wet celery and then
stuck a carrot up my butt?"

She said, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."



19 comments:

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ I liked the Maths Teacher joke. What a buck's party that guy had.
Thanks for your comment but WHY?
Take care, Merle.

Did you watch The Great Escape? I'm so
lucky to have Pay TV as I got to watch
Carlton's last debacle. Bye'

Karen said...

*snortle* those words/definitions were a hoot! What a riot.

Have a great day!

Jacqui said...

Hi Peter, have been playing truant for a couple of days, well not quite, had fridays post ready and tried to save it as a draft while I checked something, and of course it has never been seen again, and we were too late back from Busso last night.
It was great seeing Zac, he's a great kid.
Love the paternity joke.

Miss Cellania said...

Dang! All us rednecks know a G-string is a BANJO term!

Cliff Morrow said...

Those definitions were all legit...Right?
Good joke!!

Lucy said...

Oh my -- you and Hoss. Where do you get this stuff... this was a riot.

Carolyn said...

OMG! I didn't see that last one coming ;D

bornfool said...

That last one cracked me up. Still laughing. Nothing like rattin' yourself out.

LZ Blogger said...

Paternity! FUNNY! ~ jb///

Old Horsetail Snake said...

Fetus, a character from Gunsmoke. Oh ho ho har de har har. And hee hee.

Marcus said...

Drat! 15003.

Working in a school my mind raced to the staff room the day after when the maths teacher went to work!!!!!

kenju said...

If I'm # 15k, what do I win?

Big Dave T said...

Great paternity joke. I think I've seen redneck jokes here before. They don't have rednecks in Australia, do they?

Meow said...

Excellent jokes, Peter, and the photo is hilarious. Thanks for sharing.
Hope all is well in your world.
Take care, Meow

Jamie Dawn said...

Those are all so funny. The redneck ones are sadly mistakes that have most likely actually been made.
The math teacher one is just so horrid and so hilarious at the same time.

Hale McKay said...

Well, you did it again, Peter. You got me laughing so hard, my already aching neck and shoulder is aching more!

Kelley C. Butler said...

your blog is funny...
i liked the redneck misquotes.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

This has got to be one of the funniests posts I have ever read...those definitions and the math teacher joke were hilarious...Great post Peter.

Ava said...

Great post!

Very funny!!

Ava