"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Bungee Jumpin' Fools.


I don't care what the side benifits are, I'm not jumpin'.




!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*

Now I don’t want anyone to get the idea that this blog
is into pickin’ on women, it’s more a case of….
Fire at will… or…. Kick where you see a head.

Mid-Life.

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you
are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you
naked.


Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have
wingspans...we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts,
we are flying squirrels in drag.


Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a
mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.


You know you are getting old when you go for a
mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone
will ask you to appear topless in film.


Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves...
and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.


Midlife is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake now includes
Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than an
accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin
).


Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young
lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the
Roman Empire
fell, and those things will too!"


Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at
your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager
and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"


Mid-life is when you start to repeat yourself...and your
chins follow suit.


Mid-life is when your memory really starts to go. The only
thing you still retain is water.


You become more reflective in mid-life. You start
pondering the "big" questions-what is life?, why am I here?...
how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no
longer a healthy choice?


Corrective Surgery.

When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger
and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.

But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly
twenty inches.

Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems
dressing, and even walking. So he and his wife went to see
a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the
couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed
through corrective surgery.

"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked
anxiously.

"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the
surprised doctor.


"Well," said the wife coldly, "you're gonna lengthen his
legs, aren't you?


Well that's got those out of my system, I wonder what's next?


14 comments:

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Riotous, Peter.

bornfool said...

"lengthen his legs" Yep that sounds like the thing to do.

Hale McKay said...

My side's hurting ... "Lengthen his legs, aren't you?"

kenju said...

Hilarious!

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ A fun post. There seems to be a theme of Seniors, Midlife, Men's
Rules etc etc going around here. Makes
me think, maybe we are getting old.
Don't you knock Sandy ~ if she likes to think of me as young, then let her !!
Take care, Merle.

Cliff Morrow said...

Some of this was a bit too close to home to be funny Peter. Good jokes and cartoons. Thanks!

Miss Cellania said...

I'm not bungee jumpin, either! Not only do I NOT see the fun in it, it would also cancel my life insurance if they found out about it. Great toons!

Karen said...

I'm not a bungee jumper and have no want to I have seen the woman's version before but not the man's! I'm cracking up here!!!!

Hmmm, yeah... I wonder what's next... ;-)

I hope you had a great weekend!

Ms. Vickie said...

Just a little close to home but sure are funny. Thanks for the
jokes Peter, they were good. :)

Marcus said...

G'day Pop

I love your ninja banner, think I'll have to get me one of those!

poopie said...

You'll never catch me jumping. As for mid-life, well. I'm trying to enjoy it because it'll be gone before I know it!

Trucker Bob said...

Good stuff Peter!

Love that animation in the header.

kenju said...

Peter, I wish I had thought of "blogviate"! That's funny! (I do know some people who do it!)

Jamie Dawn said...

Lengthen his legs!!! Ha, ha, har, hee, tee, hawwwww!!!

Okay. All those little quips and the bungee cartoon make me glad to be the B-cup that I am. I don't have to worry about my "girls" hanging down to my knees.