I don't care what the side benifits are, I'm not jumpin'.
Now I don’t want anyone to get the idea that this blog
is into pickin’ on women, it’s more a case of….
Fire at will… or…. Kick where you see a head.
Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you
are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you
Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have
wingspans...we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts,
we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a
mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.
You know you are getting old when you go for a
mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone
will ask you to appear topless in film.
Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves...
and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
Midlife is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake now includes
Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than an
accurately scaled map of the state of
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young
lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the
Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at
your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager
and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"
Mid-life is when you start to repeat yourself...and your
chins follow suit.
Mid-life is when your memory really starts to go. The only
thing you still retain is water.
You become more reflective in mid-life. You start
pondering the "big" questions-what is life?, why am I here?...
how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no
longer a healthy choice?
When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger
and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.
But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly
Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems
dressing, and even walking. So he and his wife went to see
a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the
couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed
through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the
"Well," said the wife coldly, "you're gonna lengthen his
legs, aren't you?
Well that's got those out of my system, I wonder what's next?