"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Awesome Melons.


Awesome Melons, I was immediately attracted by this
headline, what man wouldn't be?

And what a joy to find
the great carvings that
were on display there.

I have no idea who is
resposible for these
wonderful pieces but




I do know that they are

very talented
.




The craft skills that are
everywhere today just
boggle my mind.



******************************************************

Australian Workplace Agreement


Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able
to come to work.


Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.

Every effort should be made to have non-employees

attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where

employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should

be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to

allow you to work through your lunch hour and

subsequently leave one hour early.


Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the
toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open,
and a picture will be taken. After
your second offence,
your picture will be posted on
the company bulletin
board under the "Chronic
Offenders category".
Anyone caught smiling in the
picture will be sanctioned
under the company's mental
health policy.


Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal
size
people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced
meal
to maintain their average figure. Chubby people
get 5
minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to
drink a Slim-Fast.


Death Clause

Any worker found dead at their desk will be promptly
fired. All deaths will need to be applied for in
advance
and will only be approved if your can show
that your
death will not affect productivity.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints,
frustration's, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations,
allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation
and input should be
directed elsewhere.



17 comments:

Prerona said...

Really amazing! specially the second one! Cant imagine how anyone could have made it.

JunieRose2005 said...

:) Those work place rules were sooo funny!!!


AND those carvings-amazing!!


June

DellaB said...

Peter! amazing stuff - Great find - thankyou ..
Della

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Great post but not for the workers. The bereavement one was so
funny, and the Saturday and Sunday, one
also. Cheers, Merle.

bornfool said...

Please don't forward that to the management where I work. they don't need any ideas.

Miss Cellania said...

Melons look good enough to eat! I'm stealing your workplace rules.

Ava said...

Great post. Really funny!

Great melons!!!

Ava

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Dear Holtie: I plan to die early next year. Do I need your permission?

Meow said...

Lovely melons !!
It's incredible where people get the idea to do the creative things they do !!
Have a wonderful weekend.
Take care, Meow

bubba said...

Did they eat those things afterwards? I think I had a job once that had those rules lol. just kidding.

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ I was just over at FTS place and saw that you were his "Blog of the week!" NICE GOING BUDDY! ~ jb///

Lucy said...

I'm back and working on a trip recap post --- too tired to finish it tonight..but stopping by a few blogs to catch up...love these rules - i got a good chuckle out of them....

mreddie said...

Those workplace rules look a bit like some companies in the US - I did chuckle. ec

aka_monty said...

THAT was funny!
The Personal Days was the best!!! hehehe

Jacqui said...

Hi Peter,
I had those workplace rules, just waiting for an opportunity to use them, but too slow again.

Neil and Joan are off doing the demo. sure sounds like an interesting product.

Laurie said...

Amazing melons!

Jamie Dawn said...

I'm not one to get excited over melons, but THOSE are fabulous! :)