"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Further over the hill.


There's some good news and some bad news!!


You're Over the hill when..... You trade in your sporty
sheepskin car seat covers for orthopedic ones made of
those woode massaging balls.

Maybe this isn't all bad though?

You're over the hill when... You don't have the foggiest
idea what "Hootie and the Blowfish"
is

It's all just too hard keeping up with all this new stuff,
though god knows you try your best, the changes in the
language happen so quickly it can make your head spin.

Speaking of changes to the language, these will test you
I'm sure.

Believe me I have tossed up about posting these insults
and have even edited out a couple, but we are all adults!!

Aussie Insults:

"I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on
your shoulders."

"Not enough brains to give himself a headache!"

"About as useful as tits on a bull."

"You must be the world's only living brain donor."

"He's a few wanks short of an orgasm."

"She had more pricks than a second hand
dartboard."

"He had a head on him like a sucked mango."

"May your chooks turn into emus and kick your
dunny down."

"He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock."

"So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him
'til the bell rang!"

"Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery."

"As ugly as a hat full of arseholes."

"Got a face like a bashed in shit can."

"Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground."

"About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition."

"I'll kick your bum till your nose bleeds!"

"A stubbie short of a six pack."

"Tighter than a fish's arse."

"So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him."

"As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp."

"He could talk a dog off a meatwagon."

"You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie."

"He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door."

"Mate, she's as rough as a pigs breakfast."

"Your face is like a twisted ugg boot."

"She's been hit with the ugly stick too many times."

"She's two pick handles wide."

"An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag."

"As ugly as a bag of spanners."

"You've got a head like a dropped pie."

"He thinks his shit don't stink, but his farts give him
away."

"I wish his dad had settled for a blow job."

"If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it."

"As thick as two short planks!"

"You got a head like a busted watermelon"



There's no doubt about it, we certainly do have a
way with
words here in Australia.

14 comments:

kenju said...

LOVE it, Peter. I will definitely use the line about not having enough brain to give himself a headache! I know too many people like that!

Karen said...

ROFLMAO!!!! I'm not over the hill quite yet, but I think I should get me one of those woodie ball seat covers. *snortle* I want to know why the woman isn't saying the same thing... Hmmm, maybe she needs the massaging seat... hmmm... come to think of it, that's going on my Christmas list LOL

The insults were a hoot! (No pun intended about the Hootie and the Blowfish joke)

I hope you had a great weekend!

Jamie Dawn said...

I don't know what the words chooks, emus, and dunny mean, so I don't know if I just wrote down some naughty things or not.

Those wooden roller back massager seat covers sound relaxing. I might need to buy one for my car.
Uh-oh, that means I'm old.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Tighter than a fish's arse? I have never considered a fish's arse as tight, or loose, either. Just sort of just right, I think.

bornfool said...

those were great. I'm going to add a few of them to my arsenal. btw, what's a spanner?
One of my dad's favorites is "We're going to have a three-legged race to the hospital to get my foot out of your ass (or arse.)"

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Now those are some great insults.

Big Dave T said...

Great job coming back against Japan in the World Cup. *sigh*

Those insults are funny, but I was a bit surprised I could access them on the general access computer at the library. Weren't there a few bad words in there, or am I just reading between the lines?

Matthew said...

I might try some of these out, so I'll blame you if my corner time rapidly increases.

Raggedy said...

LMAO, those were good insults, I have only heard 8 of them before the rest were new to me. Good post, thanks for making me laugh.

Have a great Monday!

Miss Cellania said...

Some of these insults are used by us Yanks as well, but some of the others.. I can't even figure out what the words mean. Guess I'm as thick as two short planks!

Hale McKay said...

Darn it, Peter! I've spent all this time trying to forget what/who Hootie and the Blowfish were. (Loved the cartoon on the subject.)

somershade said...

I scrolled down and read all your cartoons,very funny stuff. I posted a picture just for you on todays post/road trip with 4:12 band

Lucy said...

You mean there are other kind of seat covers??

I think we need a Peter Dictionary.

Meow said...

Hey Peter ... love that you are educating the world on Aussie-isms !!! Those insults are brilliant ... I think I've used the odd one myself, in the past !!
Take care, Meow