"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Still over the hill !!!


It's not gettin' any better folks.

You're over the hill when... You desperately need someone
to talk you through your new Windows program.

And look who they send.... a bloody 8 year old kid.

You know you're over the hill when.... You suddenly become
anal retentive about everything in an attempt to gain
control
of your life.


"And so it goes" as my buddy Hoss says, but I guess I'm still
gonna rebel agin this bloody hill, I thought it was pretty hard
work climbin' up it, but it sure is a fast ride goin' down.



Dear Husband:

I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today,
and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had
gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favourite meal
and even wore a brand new negligee.

You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight
to sleep after watching the game.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch
me or anything.

You're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the
case is, I'm gone.


Take care,

Your EX-Wife and Good Riddance

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't.

Your brother and I are moving away to West Virginia together!

Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Wife:

Nothing made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven years,
although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant
nagging.

Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week; the
first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!"

My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say
anything nice.

When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten
me confused with my brother, because I stopped eating pork
seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee
because the price tag was still on it.

I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just
borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work
it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to
Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the full life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that letter that you wrote should guarantee
you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Sincerely, Your Rich As Hell and Free Ex-Husband!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother
was born Carla.

I hope that's not a problem.



12 comments:

JunieRose said...

...:) a nice twist on that last one, eh?

June

Merle said...

Couple of good letters there. A good
laugh. I suppose you know John is in Mildura. He got Julie's address from me
but haven't heard if he caught up with her. Take care, Merle.

Cliff Morrow said...

You, my friend, are one prolific blogger. All good stuff I might add. I like the stories and the lottery winner. Later

Newsandseduction said...

Whatever happens is for good.

Hale McKay said...

That was pure, unadulterated humor, Pete ol' boy. I like the cartoons too.

Raggedy said...

LOL. Great post! Thanks for the laughs and the cartoons. Have a wonderful day.

Kelvin said...

Kia Ora (Hello) Peter, from that Krazy Monkey from across the ditch !!! Great jokes. Makes me feel old(er)!!! When a friends son asked me old I was, I told an approx.age - he remarked that I was so old, I was got only "over the hill", but i had gone right off the cliff. Nice kid. Needless to say he didn't get any birthday or xmas present !!!

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I loved your male & female over the hill jokes and I especially loved the husband who won the ten million dollars story...that was really funny.

Jacqui said...

Hi Peter, as you may have seen I am back on track till next time, but I sure wont be hitting any buttons that I am unsure about.
Good stories, cheers jacqui

Ava said...

Great post! Very funny!

Ava

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ Loved the post, especially the part about the 8 year old and technology! Thanks for the dubbing on my blog as well! Nice thought and we did love your beautiful country! ~ jb///

Lucy said...

Now those were great. Love that toon-- the "wife" sign. He He He. Carl is Carla - priceless. Great post Peter.