Why do blonde's have TGIF on their shoes?
Stands for; (Toes Go In First.)
Rural Australian Computer Terminology.
A bit of Aussie culcha to start off with!
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.
WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE: What mozzies do.
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A bar snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eat’s the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go.
CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.
YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill.
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER: The neighbour who keep's borrowing things.
NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE: Where the washing end's up when the pegs aren't strong enough.
culcha; --- also known as culture.
Barbie; --- barbeque
ute; --- pickup or SV
tinnies; --- cans of beer
mozzie; --- mosquito
"Send someone over quick! "
The old woman screamed into the phone. "Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!"
"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department."
"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!"
Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side.
He puts the croc up on the bar.
He then turns to the astonished patrons and says: "I'll make you
a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my genitalia inside.
Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.
Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my genitalia unscathed.
In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me
The crowd murmured in unanimous approval.
Steve stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed
his privates in the crocodile's open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, Irwin grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the
croc hard on the top of its head.
The croc opened his mouth and he removed his genitals
unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were
Steve stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay
anyone $1000 who's willing to give it a try!"
A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A blonde woman timidly spoke up ... "I'll try it! Just don't
hit me so hard with the beer bottle."