"In the beginning"


The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Thank God It's Friday.

How do you get along with your neighbors?

Why do blonde's have TGIF on their shoes?

Stands for; (Toes Go In First.)

Rural Australian Computer Terminology.

A bit of Aussie culcha to start off with!

LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.

LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.

MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.

DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.

HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.

WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.

SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.

BYTE: What mozzies do.

MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.

CHIP: A bar snack.

MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.

MODEM: What you did to the lawns.

LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.

SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.

HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.

MOUSE: The small rodent that eat’s the grain in the shed.

MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.

WEB: What spiders make.

WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.

SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go.

CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.

YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.

UPGRADE: A steep hill.

SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

USER: The neighbour who keep's borrowing things.

NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.

NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.

ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing end's up when the pegs aren't strong enough.

some explanarions;

culcha; --- also known as culture.

Barbie; --- barbeque

ute; --- pickup or SV

tinnies; --- cans of beer

mozzie; --- mosquito


"Send someone over quick! "

The old woman screamed into the phone. "Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!"

"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department."

"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!"


Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side.

He puts the croc up on the bar.

He then turns to the astonished patrons and says: "I'll make you
a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my genitalia inside.

Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.

Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my genitalia unscathed.

In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me
a drink!"

The crowd murmured in unanimous approval.

Steve stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed
his privates in the crocodile's open mouth.

The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, Irwin grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the
croc hard on the top of its head.

The croc opened his mouth and he removed his genitals
unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were

Steve stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay
anyone $1000 who's willing to give it a try!"

A hush fell over the crowd.

After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A blonde woman timidly spoke up ... "I'll try it! Just don't
hit me so hard with the beer bottle."


Jacqui said...

Hi Peter, he top pic has something familiar about it, is that where you got your inspiration.

Thanks for the bear clock, I presume you put it there.

I'm astonished how qickly the #'s on the counter have gone up. Just as well they don't all leave messages, or I'd be in more trouble with Walter than I am now.

Had dinner with Marcus last night
cheers jacqui

Raggedy said...

Great Post. I think I understand aussie a little better now..lol Very funny stuff here..Have a great day!

Miss Cellania said...

These are even funnier than the hillbilly version! I'm glad you explained some of the terms. I figured a ute was some sort of motorized thing, but I didn't know what. And tinnies... thats just a little bit effeminate-sounding for beer to a Yank.

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ Funny stuff here! CRIKEY that blonde woman was NOT real bright... but she was at least, adventurous!!! ~ jb///

JunieRose2005 said...


All I've had time for here is the first picture! :) Very funny!!!

I'm off to shop but will be back later to read all the rest!


Big Dave T said...

*sniff* It's all over for us. Let's hope the Socceroos can pull one out today. Right now, they're down a goal.

Hale McKay said...

Crikey! "Blonde - 'JUst don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle.'"

Great stuff - and thanks for the aussie translations.