"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Three Tortoises.


Couldn't find anything to blog about until I found this cartoon.



Three tortoises, Russell, Steve and Dave, decide to go on a picnic.

So Dave packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is
the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.

When they get there Dave unpacks the food and beer.

"OK Russ give me the bottle opener."

"I didn't bring it," says Russ. "I thought you packed it."

Dave gets worried, He turns to Steve, "Did you bring the bottle opener?"

Naturally Steve didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home
without a bottle opener.

Dave and Steve beg Russ to go back for it but he refuses as he says they
will eat all the sandwiches.

After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they
will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Russ sets off down the
road at a steady pace.

Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Dave and Steve are starving,
but a promise is a promise.

Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise.

Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each,
and just as they are about to eat it, Russell pops up from behind a
rock and shouts........

"I KNEW IT! ..... YOU B*STARDS...... I'M NOT *^$##@ GOING!"


Mary and John.

Dear Mary,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great.
I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, John


Mary, with hurt feelings, asked her colleagues for any snapshots they could spare of their boyfriends, brothers, ex-boyfriends, uncles, cousins, etc.
In addition to the picture of John, Mary included all the other pictures of the handsome hunks she had collected from her buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:


Dear John,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the f**k you are.
Please take your picture from the pile and send the rest back to me.

Sincerely,
Mary


24 comments:

Raggedy said...

ROFL. I loved the John and Mary letters. That was so funny! You made my day.
*^_^
(=':'=) meow hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one
.

Big Dave T said...

Gee, I wonder how that picture made it by the censoring program here at the library. Good thing nobody was looking over my shoulder.

Bummer. Now England is out of it too. And I just can't bring myself to cheer for France.

poopie said...

Heh..gotta love that Mary.

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ That's NO CARTOON! I've seen cartoons. And they NEVER looked like THAT! ~ jb///

kenju said...

Tsk, tsk! on the pic, Peter. I am just kidding - it could be worse.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Damn! I never knew turtles could talk. Does Disney know about this?

Hale McKay said...

The Dear John and Dear Mary letters were great. I needed that laugh. Thanks, Peter.

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Good jokes.Darn Brisbane- I
thought we were in with a chance !!
Thanks for comment about posts. This may
shock you, but I bypass Preview and have
for a while. It never shows up the same as Published version. Mind you I often have to edit 3, 4, or 5 times to get it somewhere NEAR what I want. I give up after that. Kathy is OK, spoke to her in hospital today. They opened her finger, removed bugs, the nail and shiny black patch that worried me. She is fine. Pumping abtibiotics in a drip and then will do a skin graft,possibly tomorrow.She said it was the bug that causes gangrene, so that's scary.
Take care, Merle.

Jeanette said...

Hi Peter
Hope you had a great weekend
I like Mary hehehe

Marti said...

Great jokes (and picture!)

Thanks for sharing!

Maria said...

Loved the turtle joke and I am glad to see the beautiful nude young woman is wearing her sneakers. That terrain looks very much like our desert and there are just too many prickly things around for anyone to go barefoot. Bet she never sat down either :)

Meow said...

Great jokes again, Peter. Goodness, where do you find them all ??
Hope your weekend went well, and that you have a great week.
Take care, Meow

Gwen said...

Hi Peter.
You dont know me but i'm a freind of Jan's & have seen quite a bit of your humor on your sight.
Love Mary she sounds like my kind of lady,

Gwen said...

Hi Peter.
Just seen your sight.
Mary sounds like my kind of girl.

Ms. Vickie said...

Loved the jokes Peter---could you post me some eye candy, please :)

You are a great one

jules said...

Oh I'm SOOOOO going to remember the John and Mary thing! Start saving pictures for me now.

Miss Cellania said...

I see the photo was a great inspiration for you!

bornfool said...

Dangerous curves indeed. Nice inspiration.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Thanks for the pic, Peter.

Jamie Dawn said...

I LOVE Mary's response to John!!!!

We are preparing to celebrate Independence Day tomorrow, July 4th.
My son is getting our fireworks together so we can have a "blast." He is an arson at heart. :)

Da Gal said...

Oh those are excellent Peter! Can always count on you for a good chuckle. Glad that I made time to stop by and say hello. Hope all is well in your end of the world. Are you saving your pennies to come visit the States sometime?

Meg

DellaB said...

hmmm... well... I studied the cartoon for quite a long time but couldn't see any tortises?

Gwen said...

Thanks for the comment Peter I will call again, but remember it's a two way street so do call anytime.
See you
Gwen

Lyle said...

Peter, I would have posed for the cartoon. You just didn't ask me! It was a lovely visit, thanks. Pity about the camera.