"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Weak (end) Humor

Only a female would ask.

........................ Does my bum look big in this?.....................

........................................ Too True!! ...........................................


A few good definitions ...

HAPPINESS.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love
him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and
she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED.

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the
ribs and cackling,
telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.



Bumper Stickers.

1. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.



2. When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS..



3. Sorry, I don't date outside my species.



4. No radio - Already stolen.



5. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.



6. Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.



7. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.



8. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.



9. OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?



10. Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.



11. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.



12. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.



13. Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.



14. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.



15. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.



16. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.



17. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.



18. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.



19. Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?



20. How can I miss you if you won't go away?



21. Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.



22. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.



23. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.



24. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.



25. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.



26. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.



27. Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.



28. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.



29. i souport publik edekashun.



30. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.



14 comments:

Miss Cellania said...

Words of wisdom, indeed! Thanks!

Jacqui said...

Very good as usual, wshere do you get all this wisdom from.

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ A lot of good ones there that have been around before. Worth repeating though. Meant to say earlier
Gordon F. is 75 today. Cheers, Merle.

Jeanette said...

Hey Peter,
Just a little note, NO mum (Jen) doesnt own a laptop, she left me in charge of her BLOG while she's away, Brave move I know. Anyway just check in for updates if any, you never know what what appear there !!!

Caz

aka_monty said...

"Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument."

As long as you understand how true that is, we'll get along JUUUUUUUST fine. :) LOL
Thanks for the funnies, Peter!! I like to start my day with a giggle.

jules said...

Cute bumper stickers. I have one on my car that Ivy gave me that says, "I have a perfect body. Unfortunately it's in the trunk and beginning to smell." and another that says "I'm gonna survive, even if it kills me."

Cliff Morrow said...

Another bunch of stuff I can remember and make it sound like I thought it up. Thanks!

Raggedy said...

Good post!
Hugs

poopie said...

You seem to have a pretty good take on the man/woman thing ;)

OldHorsetailSnake said...

If you switched Puritanism with Republican, it still would work.

bornfool said...

I need the one that says "No Radio- Already stolen."

Jim said...

These mostly sound true, but sad.
..

Lisa said...

very cute dung beetle song lol

I did try to comment above but for some reason it said there was an error, not to worry, I'm here instead! lol

have a good day :)

kenju said...

Love the cartoon, Peter!