"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Talking about elephants



Elephants Memory - Touching Story

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from
college.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing
with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a
large thorn deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with
his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The
elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face,
stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking
of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted
loudly, turned and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years
later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they
approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked
over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull
elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground, then put
it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the
while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this
was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the
railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the
elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again,
wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and swung him wildly back
and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant!!






Extract from "The Darwin Awards"


PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt
fed his constipated elephant 'Stefan' 22 doses of animal laxative
and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged-up elephant finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper under
200 poundsof poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of
the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the
ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as
the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him,"
said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no
one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an
hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he
suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
that happen."







Be honest now, are you old enough to remember the
elephant joke era?


Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?

A: From stamping out forest fires.


---------------------------

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?

A: From stamping out flaming ducks.


------------------------------

Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?

A: To fit on lily pads.


-------------------------------

Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?

A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.


--------------------------------

Q: Why are frogs so short?

A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.


-----------------------------------------

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?

A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"


----------------------------

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses

A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.


-------------------------------------------

Q: How do you get four elephants into a Mini?

A: Two in the front, two in the back.


---------------------------------

Q: What game do four elephants in a mini play?

A: Squash


-------------------------------

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?

A: 1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.


------------------------

Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?

A: 1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.


-------------------------

Q. The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the
animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one?

A. The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge.


--------------------------------

Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?

A: The door won't close.


----------------------------

Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?

A: There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.


----------------------------------

Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?

A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.


---------------------------

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard?

A: No, of course not.


-----------------------------

Q: Why do elephants live in herds?

A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.


----------------------------------

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?

A: Chicken's day off.


-----------------------------------

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?

A: Optimistic!


-----------------------------

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?

A: Free Parking.


-----------------------------

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?

A: Sole use of the elevator.


-----------------------------------

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?

A: It's bike is outside.


--------------------------------

Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?

A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.


------------------------------------

Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?

A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.


--------------------------------------------

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?

A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.


--------------------------------

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?

A: So that they don't sink in the sand.


------------------------------

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the sand?

A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.


----------------------------

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?

A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream,
5 tons of bananas,.....


----------------------------------

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?

A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.


-------------------------------------------

Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?

A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).


--------------------------

Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?

A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!".


----------------------------------

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?

A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.


-----------------------------

Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?

A: Cinderelephant.


--------------------------------

Q: How do you kill a blue elephant?

A: Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.


------------------------------

Q: How do you kill a red elephant?

A: Strangle it till it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.


------------------------------

Q: How do you kill a green elephant?

A: Tell it a dirty joke until it blushes and turns red, then strangle it until
it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.


----------------------

Q: How do you kill a yellow elephant?

A: What are you talking about? There are no yellow elephants!


Boom Boom!!!



11 comments:

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Nice touching story of the elephant that I have seen a couple of times lately. The elephant jokes were good. Thanks for your comment. I found all the posts from Granny last night when I mentioned it. Take care, Merle.

Marcus said...

Hahahahahaha

Some classic oldies and a bunch I hadn't heard before, nice work Pop.

Jamie Dawn said...

That surely was NOT the same elephant!

That drunk elephant has an unusually small, short trunk, doesn't he? Poor fella. I wonder if size matters when it comes to their trunks? If so, that poor fella is drinking because he gets mocked by his fellow elephants who are endowed with bigger ones.

Elephants on lily pads???? No way! :)

Raggedy said...

Great elephant post!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one

Karen said...

Gotta love elephant jokes... either I haven't seen those before or I've forgotten. I'm definitely not an elephant. ;-)

Have a great day!

Jack K. said...

Chuckle, snort, giggle, snerk, tee hee, and a huge guffaw.

Be careful when you pass the peanuts.

LMAO

Margaret said...

Hi Peter, great elephant jokes, I am listening to R.E.M.on my car stacker at present. One of the tracks is "Pushing an Elephant Up The Stairs' great song. Could be that was what you felt you were doing whilst woking on my Blog site. Cheers for now xlccvp Margaret.

Jim said...

Lots of elephant stuff here. Most of it was new to me, so guess maybe I'm not so old after all.
Do you have an elephant joke book?
..

Hale McKay said...

I was pleasantly surprised to see so many elephant jokes that I had never heard before.

DellaB said...

"Be honest now, are you old enough to remember the elephant joke era?"

YES...

thanks Peter... LOL stuff!

Merle said...

Hi