One would hope there would be no failures in this demonstration!!
Salvation, some daffy definitions just received by email.
1. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor
degree and a woman gains her masters.
2 . Divorce: Future tense of marriage
3 . Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of
the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through
the minds of either.
4 . Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the
5 . Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everyone believes he got the biggest piece.
6 . Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is
defeated by feminine water-power.
7 . Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
8. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody
listens & everybody disagrees later on.
9 . Ecstasy: A feeling you feel when you are going to feel a
feeling you have never felt before.
10 .Classic: A book which people often praise and seldom read.
11. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
12. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous
13. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open
14. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more
than you actually do.
15 . Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and
sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
16 . Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
17 . Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
18. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be
spoken of when dead.
19. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a
way that you actually look forward to the trip.
20. Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.
21 . Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says
in midway "See I am not injured yet."
22. Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in
ZERO, instead of the first letter in word
23. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
24. Father : A banker provided by nature.
25. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest...except that he
26 . Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late
when you are early.
27 . Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and
your confidence after.
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
The 80-year-old said, "I've never felt better. I now have a
20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you
think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began.
"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy
hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going
out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up
his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he
saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water.
He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots
rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think
The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple
of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."