"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Thank the lord for emails.

Today is a bitza day, things that just fell into place.



One would hope there would be no failures in this demonstration!!


Salvation, some daffy definitions just received by email.

1. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor
degree and a woman gains her masters.

2 . Divorce: Future tense of marriage

3 . Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of
the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through
the minds of either.

4 . Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the
number present.

5 . Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everyone believes he got the biggest piece.

6 . Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is
defeated by feminine water-power.

7 . Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

8. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody
listens & everybody disagrees later on.

9 . Ecstasy: A feeling you feel when you are going to feel a
feeling you have never felt before.

10 .Classic: A book which people often praise and seldom read.

11. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

12. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous
home life.

13. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open
their mouths.

14. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more
than you actually do.

15 . Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and
sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

16 . Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

17 . Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

18. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be
spoken of when dead.

19. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a
way that you actually look forward to the trip.

20. Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.

21 . Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says
in midway "See I am not injured yet."

22. Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in
ZERO, instead of the first letter in word
OPPORTUNITY.

23. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

24. Father : A banker provided by nature.

25. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest...except that he
got caught.

26 . Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late
when you are early.

27 . Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and
your confidence after.


Annual Checkup.


An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling.

The 80-year-old said, "I've never felt better. I now have a
20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you
think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began.
"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy
hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going
out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up
his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he
saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water.
He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots
rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think
of that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple
of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."




13 comments:

Kelvin said...

Heheeeeeeeee!!! I don't know where you find them, but can you sling some of those rocks over the ditch for me to look under. I have just about ran out of rocks to turn over in my head !!! (See if you can fit a blonde under one of them)

Half way reached on Around The World In 80 Blogs
It's an honour to have both you & Merle as well as another lovely lady from Tasmania on board !!!

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I love your disclaimer...I just noticed it.

Cliff Morrow said...

Peter, couldn't sleep again I see.

Miss Cellania said...

You're in fine form today, wherever you get your material!

JunieRose2005 said...

Lol- Peter!

Very funny stuff today!

....especially that cartoon! (Well- funny but scary...)


Junie

kenju said...

You get good email, Peter! LOL

Hale McKay said...

Great stuff today, mate! Loved the beaver joke.

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Yeah good jokes today. I
was going to tell you about Kelvin's 40 blogs, halfway to 80. Your comment had me tossed about man in the frock till I
remembered the photo you put on Margaret
blog. I just discovered tonight that I hadn't seen any of Granny's poss since 6th August. Showing an old post, same as yours was doing. Oh Blogger !!
Take care, and keep out of those dresses!! Merle.

Crazedmomof4 said...

Haahaahaa. Grapped the cane. Haahaahaa.:D

Karen said...

Those definitions are great! The "yawn," that's for sure LOL

Have a great day, Peter!

Jim said...

Looking good, Peter! We have a saying at our house about those pretty old men who have children.
Warren can probably quote the movie it came from:
"That is a clever man to have children at his age."
..
But I haven't heard from Warren for a little while? Did I scare him away by the tag?
..

Big Dave T said...

Also . . .

Dictionary: Where "sex" comes after "marriage." As it should, right?

Jeanette said...

Hi Peter
Good jokes
i like the 80year old ..
Take Care,Jan