"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Here’s Your Sign.


You have to read the fine print so carefully now-a-days


I got this in an email recently, as they refer to “2005 Idiots” some
of you may have seen them, but they are worth another look.

Number One Idiot of 2005


I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the poison control center.

Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her
little daughter eating ants.

I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat
in order to kill the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency
room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.


Number Two Idiot of 2005

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided
to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.

They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed
a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.

It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency
locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.


Number Three Idiot of 2005

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked
into the Branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your
muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,
he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note
and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.

So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the
Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he
handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and,
surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup
note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit
slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.

He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in
line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.


Number Four Idiot of 2005

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap
that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.

He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of
his Car.

Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph
of $40.

Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.

He immediately mailed in his $40.

Smart but you still get a sign



Number Five Idiot of 2005

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.

After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle
of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.

He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him because she didn't believe him.

At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over
21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.

The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license.

They arrested the robber two hours later.


This guy definitely needs a sign.


Idiot Number Six of 2005

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers.

The first one shouted, "Nobody move! "When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign


Idiot Number Seven of 2005

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.

He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run.

So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious.

It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.

The whole event was caught on videotape.


Yep, Here's your sign

(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)


It’s even worse here in Australia, we have compulsory voting,
they are MADE to vote.


The Hypnotist at the Seniors Center

It was entertainment night at the seniors center and The Amazing
Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see
the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of
the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who
invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I will
hypnotize the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you all to keep your
eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in
my family for six generations. He began to swing the watch gently
back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch
the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and
forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of
eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from
the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a
hundred pieces.

Sh*t!" said the Hypnotist... It took three weeks to clean up the
seniors center.


11 comments:

Jeanette said...

Hi Peter
theres a few Idiots out there
no.1 gets my vote with a close 2nd is no.3.
I was Merles 10,000 visitor.
Take care, Jan

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Some great jokes and stupid people in this post. I liked
Mo. 4 the photo of the money and then handcuffs. Take care, Merle.

JunieRose2005 said...

Peter,

That list of stupid people tops it all! And #1 deserved the # 1 spot, for sure!

That joke was very funny too!

(a good way to start my day-coming here first!)

June

Jamie Dawn said...

That mom should be made to eat some ant poison too. What a stupid, stupid woman!!

Hooray to the idiot Arky in number 7! No booze for YOU!!

That last one is hilarious. What a mess.

Raggedy said...

Those are some stupid people...
Great post!
Thanks for sharing.
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Cool Raggedy one

Jack K. said...

LMAO at the jokes. Be careful when attending a program with an hypnotist.

Hale McKay said...

What a grand finale! Laughing as i try to type this comment.

Margaret said...

Hi Peter.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

What a swell collection of Id-jyits.

DellaB said...

Hi Peter... I love the 'Here's Your Sign'... very funny stuff, thanks

DellaB said...

p.s. sorry, I forgot to say, thank you for Alan Jackson, very nice, AND relaxing, what a good idea, good to read to..