"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Headaches and other problems.

I'd better clear this one from my files, after my previous post.


Headaches!!!

Joe has been having severe headaches for several years now and his wife finally convinced him to see a neurologist.

The doctor said, Joe, the good news is I can cure you headaches.

The bad news is that, it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles, to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.

Joe was shocked, and depressed.

He wondered if he had anything to live for.

He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

He walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.

He could make a new beginning, and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, that's what I need . . . a new suit.

He entered the shop, and told the salesman, I'd like a new suit.

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly, and said, let's see . . size 44 long.

Joe laughed, that's right, how did you know?

Been in the business 60 years, the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit.

It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror,

the salesman asked, how about a new shirt?

Joe thought for a moment, and then said, sure.

The salesman eyed Joe, and said, let's see, 34 sleeves, and 16 1/2 neck.

Joe was surprised, that's right, how did you know?

Been in the business 60 years.

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

He walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, how about some new underwear?

Joe thought for a moment and said, sure.

The salesman said, let's see . . . size 36.

Joe laughed, ah ha!! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.

The salesman shook his head, you can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.

New suit - $400

New shirt - $36

New underwear - $6

Second Opinion... PRICELESS!!!


The Drug Problem in America.


The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?''

I replied: "I had a drug problem when I was young":


I was drug to church on Sunday morning.


I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.



I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.


I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.


I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word.

I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.


I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood;


And, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think.
They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.


~author unknown~


Now I'm not pickin' on America here, this applies equally well in Australia and I would suspect most other countries as well.


19 comments:

LZ Blogger said...

This picture hurts me to look at it in SO MANY WAYS! ~ jb///

Katherine said...

Oh, that headache one was hysterical! And great picture!!

Cliff Morrow said...

Back to the good stuff I see. Good headache story.

Lucy said...

Imagine that i had a drug problem and did not even know it. Funny stuff Peter.. i like your funnies. he he he

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~ Good jokes, especially the headache one. Thanks for your comment on the blind boy poem. The Obsession joke was popular, and I had copied it from word as it came to me, I didn't choose the colour. I find some blogs hard to read and often have to highlight them. Cheers, Merle.

Margaret said...

We did all have that "drug" problem to some degree didn't we. Loved the headache joke. Cheers Margaret

JunieRose2005 said...

OUCH!!!


JunieRose

Theresa said...

Oh my! The photo and the headache story are hilarious!

Hale McKay said...

All these years I thought my ears were big! Now I find out it was a drug problem!

Jamie Dawn said...

Men who are in a state of denial and continue to try and pour themselves into the 34 waist of their youth deserve the consequences. :)

All I can say about that photo is... OUCH!

WordWhiz said...

HA! Funny! 'specially the photo!

Jeanette said...

HI Peter
Firstly thank you for your Comment it was greatly appreciated. I've shed a few tears over the last couple days Gwen come over last night had a we few medicinal brandies,and a beer out of Als fridge today.
well now a great blog. Ouch to the prickley cactis and oh i think the poor bugger would have had a bigger headache at the end . needed this laugh tonight ty
take care

LittleJen said...

yes it is.. priceless as they say

Marcus said...

Second opinion! Brilliant.
Liked the pricture too!!

The Heir said...

thats proper harsh, i couldnt even read the second one... damn.
thats not uncle neil in the picture is it??

Wazza said...

Gee Peter it's lucky there's a stop button on the music clip, otherwise your kids wouldn't be able to read your blog, seeing how much they love country music. I never had a drug problem as I used to get a clip over the bad of my head...now, now Peter no smart arse comments!!!

Maria said...

I love the photo, but knowing cactus as I do, that looks like it took real balls. Pardon my pun.

Jim said...

Did I miss something here? This kiddie filter may be doing its work.
..

Crazedmomof4 said...

Love the pic! LOL at the headache story but it looks kinda familiar;)
It's still LOL! FUnny Funny Funny!!!!!

I totally agree with the drugs.

They said not to long ago that teens drug use is down but parents of teens drug use is up. I think this has to do with how teens are today & the fact everyone is afraid to smack their kids for fear of child abuse.

G'day G'day!