"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

A Geography Lesson.


Another Aussie legend bites the dust.

Australia has lost another legend, but at least this one didn’t have to die, swimming legend Ian Thorpe has announced his retirement from swimming.

The Thorpedo was never one to settle for less than his absolute best and he no longer felt that he was able to give at that level so at the tender age of 24 he has quit the sport.

Swimming is one of the hardest disciplines of any competitive sport, the hours of training that are required to reach the top, and Ian certainly reached the top, are hard to comprehend for anyone who is not involved.

Australia, and I feel confident the rest of the world, is proud to have been witness to the amazing feats he has produced in the pool, as well he has been a role model for athletes everywhere.

There is little doubt that Ian will make a success of whatever he turns his hand to next and as a sports fan I dips me lid to him for the joy he has brought to us.




I'm thinking... New Event at the Olympic Games... here folks!


Just imagine the training routines, not to mention the togetherness factor.... (I asked you not to mention the togetherness factor) the team spirit that would be built up during bonding sessions!!


GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN.

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild,
naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open
to trade especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of
her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently ageing but still a
warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by
past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are
un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all
conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN.

Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick.


(Thank the lord I'll be free of him/it next year.)


The crew on an overseas airliner;


A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish
captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown
together and an awkward silence between the two seems to
indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates
the auto pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like
Chinese."

"No rike Chinese?" asks the copilot, "why not?"

"You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!"

"No, no," the copilot protests, "Chinese not bomb
Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese."

"Japanese, Chines, Vietnamese... doesn't matter,
you're all alike!"

There's a few minutes of silence. "No rike Jews!" the
copilot suddenly announces.

"Why not?" asks the captain.

"Jews sink Titanic," the copilot responds.

"Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain,
"It was an iceberg!"

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg,
Rosenberg, no mattah...
all same!"



(Once more... that should have offended most of you.)




If I play a stupid girl

and ask a stupid question

I've got to follow it through.

What am I supposed to do -

look intelligent?







12 comments:

jules said...

Hey, I've been in Olympic training all this time? Who'da thunk it? LOVED the picture!!!

The Heir said...

what do you call a black man flying a plane??

Peter said...

Hi Zac, a pilot.

Hale McKay said...

LOL, Peter. That was one great post! I'm still laughing at the Jewish and Chinese cockpit crew!

And thanks for the geography lesson.

In that new Olympic sport - "the Iron Cross Weenie Stand" - how long does he have to hold her - how long does she have to hold on ?
...Hmmm .. it all comes down to "how long" doesn't it?

Steve G said...

Peter, another chuckle from me.

Jeanette said...

Hi peter
still getting a giggle out of the new Olympic sport.like your pilot joke also .

Donna said...

Hi Pete,
Nice tribute to thorpe. I always thought France would be a nice place to visit and to think my husband gets to go visiting.
Your cockpit joke got a giggle.
Keep it up (the jokes not the new olympic sport).

Love Donna

Cliff Morrow said...

I'm not sure the new sport will catch on. The rigors and hours of training would be so long and hard that I'm afraid few would be up to it.

Carolyn said...

Funny!! But I feel sorry for the lady gymnast having to perform those exercises for up to 4 hours! ;)

Cazz said...

Hey Pete,

Yes, was sad to hear Thorpe retiring, but it all has to end at some point, after all he is getting on in years .. way passed his prime !!!!

The New Olympic sport .. do you think I might be able to apply for the "Coaching" position !!!

Cheers
Cazz
xxooxx

Puss-in-Boots said...

The new Olympic sport, hmmm how many will be able to rise to the occasion, do you think? Would they be drug tested for Viagra? And, most important of all, would the woman get a headrush from all the blood in her brain??

Loved the jokes - not offended at all. Sorry, lol!

The Heir said...

hehe usually followed with "you racist"