"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Sex on Planet Mars.


Here are three faces that we all recognize.


These appear to be circulating again and are still funny.


Bumper stickers.


1. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

2. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

3. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

4. Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

5. Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?

6. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

7. 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

8. Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

9. You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT.

10. Save Your Breath... You'll need it to blow up your date!

12. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.

13. Grow your own dope, plant a man.

14. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

15. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

16. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

17. If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.

18. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".


Sex on MARS.


The year is 2222 and after accumulating enough
frequent flier miles, Mike and Maureen land on Mars.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all
sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock
market, if they have laptop computers, how they make
money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.

"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to
swap partners for the night and experience one another.

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a
bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a
teeny, weenie member - about half an inch long and
just a quarter inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

''Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his
forehead with his palm. With each slap of his
forehead, his member grows until it's quite
impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it
looks like a long pencil, it's still pretty narrow...."

''No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears.
With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until
the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and have
mad, passionate sex. The next day the couples rejoin
their normal partners and go their separate ways.

As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was damn
good. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache.
She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."




It's better for the whole world to know you,

even as a sex star,

than never to be known at all.





20 comments:

Jeanette said...

Hi Peter
Beauty is the eye of the beer holder. and no comment on pinocchio's nose lol

kenju said...

I love the Martian joke, Peter! Very funny!

Gene Maudlin said...

Terrific Mars joke, Peter. I am so stealing it.

Jack K. said...

Heard most of them before. Still funny though.

The Marilyn quote is very sad.

Steve G said...

Peter, I got the first room peeled. Taking a short break before I move the computer.

Christina said...

ROFL at Martian joke!!!

Donna said...

You are an absolute pissa. Brett might get a headache tonight.
Keep up the good work. (I'M guessing thats you behind pinochio)

Cheers
Donna

Katherine said...

ha ha!! Oh, I love "Ceceila." One of my favorite songs!

Lee said...

Bloody hell, Peter! I'm flat out having sex on earth, let alone on Mars! But then, I must be on the wrong planet as men come from Mars and women come from Venus, 'they' say!

Cliff Morrow said...

Good pic of you and boys. The bad part about your blog is that it's always about 'peter'.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Holy hell, Peter, what did you do to Osama's nose, he looks like a tippler from way back, hehe!

Good post, except for the photos. I didn't know you had such notorious people as friends, lol!

As for sex on Mars, I'm with Lee - nuff said!! (Actually I don't mean that the way it could sound...depending on the reader's train of thought).

peppylady said...

Greeting from up above.

For the most part every Thursday I go around blog hoping to fine new and interesting blogs.

Your blog is fantastic. Oh the wealth of info you offer.
I love your sense of humor. I'm differently adding you to my coffee pal in the next few days.

Stop by but my blog doesn't come close to yours.

Hale McKay said...

Love that Martian joke. Hoss beat me to the punch in stealing it. (Aw, what the heck! I just might steal it too!)

Great post, Peter. (Reading this post, your name seems redundant.)

Kelvin said...

Hello from across the ditch.......Is that why you have got "cauliflower ears" Peter & a headache !!! (hehe)

Meow said...

You are such a naughty boy, Peter, with some of the pics you post. Some very funny jokes, as usual. You sure do find some good ones.
Have a great weekend.
Take care, Meow

Jim said...

Sounds like Mars is a woman friendly place for earthlings.

I had to bypass my kiddie filter to see your blog today?
..

No_Newz said...

Getting beyoind the pictures were hard Hahahaha! Poor Bert!
Have a great weekend!

Big Dave T said...

A co-worker had that sign, "Some people are alive just because it's illegal to shoot them" at her desk. And she looked like she meant it if you ever asked her a question.

Here's a new bumper sticker I just saw this week: "My golden retriever is smarter than our President."

Rachel said...

I had heard the joke but I had never seen those pictures. Naughty Peter!

DellaB said...

verry funny Peter, (the mars joke) - how do they think up these things?

Talking of Bumper Stickers, Noel came across a song on MYspace titled:
"My Bush Would Make a Better President" ...