"In the beginning"

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The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

If the World was fair to Guys...

Those of you who doubted "Global Warming" are faced with
irrefutable proof just by studying the underwear trends of the
last 100 years or so. (lifted from misscellania, too good to miss.)




If the World was fair to Guys...

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a "cheers
for the sex - now f*** off" would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur
in leap years.

On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.

The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be
"Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."

Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.

When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded
with would actually reduce your fine.

Example:

Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one, that's $20 off."

Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

Every man would get four, real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.

Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,
she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball
goes out of play.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable
response to "I love you."

The funniest guy in the office would get to be the CEO.

"Sorry, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse
for absence and/or poor time keeping.

Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the public
ugliness ordinance.

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.

"Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it
would work every time.

Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that
would be fined.

Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in
strippers and $2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.

Saying "Let's have a threesome. You, me and your sister" to your
wife/girlfriend would get the response, "What a great idea!"

Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.

Everyone would have real a Light Sabre and any disagreements
would be settled by a fight to the death.

Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to
the opposite sex.

Along with your milk in the morning, the milkman would deliver two
Swedish milk maids.

When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get
to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus just like Fred Flintstone.

"Yes" would be an acceptable answer to a woman’s question of
"Does my bum look big in this?"


I sure hope all you ladies have already voted for holtieshouse,
just in
case anything printed above might change your minds.





17 comments:

Lee said...

Well-timed, Peter! ;)

Pamela said...

oh,... what a crock.

But I laughed - anyway.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Oi! That's discrimination...but from a bloke's point of view that's what it's all about, eh?

Anyway, Peter, I'm sure you're not at all like that, are you...are you?

audrey` said...

Hi Peter

There is a little surprise for you in my blog.
HeHeHe!

Meow said...

Hahahaha ... and yes, I voted, Peter. Congrats on the nomination ... whoo-hooo, you're sure to win.
Take care, Meow

junierose said...

Dear Peter,

That's sure to win us all over! :) ( a big smile to ya)

June

Lucy said...

As usual - funny stuff Peter. And i'm sure glad you posted about the Weblog awards.. i'm off to vote for you!!!

LZ Blogger said...

Peter - Good luck on getting ANY ladies votes on the WEBLOG site after those comments above. (But they were pretty funny!) ~ jb///

Rachel said...

Very funny stuff Peter! Loved the panties on the line!! LOL

Iain Hall said...

Ah Peter have you considered what it means to your idea about underwear being indicative of global warming that under wear is a rather modern invention and what that tells us about the temperature in the past, when every one went "Commando" ?

From what I have seen your's is a nice light hearted blog and best of luck in the awards…

Raggedy said...

And to think I not only voted but nominated the bloke that posted this?
pfffffffffft.....
The panty cartoon was great!
Okay, it was a funny post..hahaha
Raggedy

Jim said...

I know you waited until the ladies voted to post all these! Good, and it'll get my vote.
BTW, some of those Aussie things us Yanks do also. I always order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke, at MacDonald's.
..

Jeanette said...

Hi Peter

Global warming AAAAHHHHHHHHHH how true

Had a good laugh

I was able to vote again. Good luck.Take care Janxxxx

Steve G said...

Peter, you have me laughing out loud. Good food for thought. I like the global warming as shown by underwear. Makes sense to me.

Cliff Morrow said...

Daisy Duke's shorts will NEVER go out of style.

Katherine said...

Hmm, well, I guess you men can really dream big...:)

Big Dave T said...

First of all, congrats on the weblog awards. I happened to see a link on another site and checked to see if I recognized any of the nominees. Lo and behold, YOU'RE there. Very deservedly so too.

I liked the idea of the girlfriend pop-up window during the game, especially if it could be extended to wives.