More Mixed Nuts.

We should be thankful for small mercies.


Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road...

DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the
road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of
the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid
he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems
before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH:

Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of
life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or
not. The chicken is either against us, or for us.
There is no middle ground here.

DONALD RUMSFELD:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not
yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about
the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.

JUDGE JUDY:

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY!
You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I
had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level.

DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed
I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth
in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side."
That's why they call it the "other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken
is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say
we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like
"the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road.
It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA:

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road,
and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to
the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how
it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2006,which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of chicken.
The Platform is much more stable and will
never cra...#@&&^( C \..... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did
the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.
What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:

I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?

Now that's a first class flight!

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class
section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently
wiped her nose then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman
sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered
violently once more.. Assuming that the woman might have a cold,
the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes
passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a
tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and
said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times,
wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical
condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious.
"I have never heard of that condition before" he said.
"Are you taking anything for it?"
"Yes," the woman nodded.
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Pepper…