"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Puns can be Phunny


I thought this was Phunny.



Rejected password.

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.


The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.


So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed..... P... E... N.... I... S.


His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*** .

(I wonder if he had Small cox as a child?)


Brewster the Rooster.

Uncle John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters. The roosters were there for one purpose-to fertilize the eggs. Uncle John kept records and any rooster or pullet that didn't perform well went into the pot to be cooked for supper. The unfortunate victims were then replaced by another, hopefully, more productive candidate.

Now this took an enormous amount of time. So when Uncle John found a set of eight tiny bells (that each rang a different tone), he promptly bought them. He glued a piece of foam rubber to each clapper shaft so the bell wouldn't ring except when violently shaken. He hung a bell on each rooster's neck and went and mixed a Mint Julep.

Now he could sit on the porch and sip while filling out an efficiency report on the roosters by listening to the different tones of the bells and marking down each encounter.

His favorite rooster was old Brewster. A very fine specimen he was and yet as Uncle John sat listening, Brewster's bell did not ring at all that morning. He went to investigate. Several roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing.

But Brewster had his bell in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Uncle John was so proud of Brewster he entered him in the county fair. Brewster was an overnight sensation.

They not only awarded him;

the No Bell prize but also the Pullet Surprise.


Melting Silver.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,

"Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'."



A Dog Named Mace.

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside.

The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass.

He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight.

Realizing what had happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed,

"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!"


Gandhi.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what?

A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.



Chicken. (I borrowed (stole it actually) this one from MissCellania.)

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian's attention, it squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

The librarian complies, putting a couple of books down in front of the chicken. The chicken quickly grabs them and disappears.

The next day, the librarian is again disturbed by the same chicken, who puts the previous day's pile of books down on the desk and again squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

The librarian shakes her head, wondering what the chicken is doing with these books, but eventually finds some more books for the chicken. The chicken disappears.

The next day, the librarian is once again disturbed by the chicken, who squawks (in a rather irritated fashion, it seems), "Book, book, book, BOOK!" By now, the librarian's curiosity has gotten the better of her, so she gets a pile of books for the chicken, and follows the bird when it leaves the library.

She follows it through the parking lot, down the street for several blocks, and finally into a large park. The chicken disappears into a small grove of trees, and the librarian follows. On the other side of the trees is a small marsh. The chicken has stopped on the side of the marsh. The librarian, now really curious, hurries over and sees that there is a small frog next to the chicken, examining each book, one at a time.

The librarian comes within earshot just in time to hear the frog saying, "Read it, read it, read it..."







20 comments:

wazza said...

Did you hear the one where the Lone Ranger and Tonto were suddendly surrounded by a thousand indians.
The Lone Ranger looked at Tonto and said "it looks like we've had it this time Tonto".
Tonto turned to the Lone Ranger and said "what do you mean we paleface".
Yuk yuk yuk.
A oldie but maybe a goodie???

Walker said...

LMAO they were funny.
Here have one on me :)

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.

Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow.

"What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse... alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"Listen very carefully ".

for.... the.... last.... time I said....................

"BRING POSSE".


Have a nice weekend

Aims said...

your hig made me smile, your jokes made me smile & your picture cube has just brought back very happy childhood memories (don't ask!) Thank you so much. Take care aims x

Vickie said...

Thanks for the laughs---they were all great.

Take care and be safe but have some extra fun for me this weekend. :)

Hale McKay said...

LOL at Walker's joke.

That is not to belittle yours Peter.

I love those pun jokes, which I call groaners.

G'day.

Margaret said...

Yes, very very Phunny.
Cheers Margaret

Miss Cellania said...

I'm going to have to confiscate the Mace joke, and Walker's comment. That is all.

Lee said...

Great to see you fighting fit, Peter and full of good humour and generous enough to share it with us! :)

Have a great weekend.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Peter, I've just caught up with your posts. I loved the pictures and I agree, the art is very clever.

Enjoyed all the punny jokes, too. Keep 'em coming.

Cheers

Robyn

Jeanette said...

Hi Peter.
Good jokes very phunny, I think Brewster won tonight. Take care see you soon

Carolyn said...

Great ones!! I'd heard a Brewster joke before, but not that one. Thanks for the "cackles!" :D

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Good jokes here. I also put some puns on my last post.
Great minds ?? Glad you liked the Middle Wife and by all means go for it. They are meant to be passed around and shared. Hope you are keeping well and the eye doesn't bother you. Take care, Merle.

Jim said...

There are three basic Lone Ranger and Tonto jokes. All three are here today! Google for the others? It's a lost cause.
But the more I read them the funnier (?) they got.
..
Some are pretty particular about passwords.
..

Pamela said...

I remember my little ones telling a lone ranger joke and the punch line was
"to the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump" but for the life of me I can't recall the joke.

Rachel said...

Thanks for making me laugh Peter!! Loved Walker's joke too!!!

audrey` said...

HaHaHa!

So funny... LOL =)

Christina said...

Very funny!!!

Suzz said...

Very phunny, Pfeter. Here's my contribution to the Lone Ranger jokes. I learned this as a kid.
Hi, ho, silverware.
Tonto lost his underwear.
Tonto say, "Me don't care.
Lone Ranger by me nuther pair."

Raggedy said...

Hahahahaha! Very Phunny!
Tell Pamela it is "Where does the lone ranger take his garbage?"


Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

Theresa said...

Peter, I can always count on you for a smile and a laugh. Thank you. :)