"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

More Deep Still Thoughts


I put this picture here
"Because I Can" I'm pretty sure the male segment
of my readership will be appreciative

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Green Card.

Bloody Hell will my luck never cease, not only am I winning a lottery or being asked to assist some widow to spend her departed Husband/Father’s often ill gotten gains every 3rd day on average usually from some developing country but now the USA want to give me a green to come and live and work in the USA…. Now hang about there, I don’t/won’t work in Australia what makes them think I’ll change my ways if I come to the USA????



From the office of The Co-ordinator

Asia/Pacific Lottery Department (USGCLS)

25/8 Rajvithi Rd, Bangkok Thailand.

Tel: + 66 2 65 343 29. Fax: +66 2 253-8014

www.usgcls.com

Visa Winning Number: MM-05XZX92388

Serial Net Visa Passport Number: WP-99771133

Dear Winner,

Congratulations, you have been selected as one of the lucky winners of the U.S Visa through our internet balloting email extracting and screening machine, your application was applied and processed by our internet balloting email extracting and screening machine which randomly extracts and screens 50 thousand of emails addresses around the world.

This visa program is held annually as part of our New/End Year lottery programmes to give free easy U.S Visas to citizens of developing countries around the world to enable them travel to the U.S and start a new life and work. The U.S Department of Citizenship Immigration released millions of US visas till the end of the year program.

Your Visa winning number is: MM-05XZX92388 and your serial net visa passport number are: WP-99771133, your visa type permits you to travel with your members of your immediate family. Your visa duration is 10 years multiple entry to the U.S, it is renewable upon expiration and it permits you to work, study and own properties in the U.S, the visa also gives you an opportunity to apply for and acquire a U.S citizenship green card while residing in the U.S .In this respect you are directed to forward the following requirements urgently by email scanning attachments for faster processing to enable us process your visa certificate and flight tickets to help you receive your visa and flight ticket within the shortest possible time.

(1.) Write in full your telephone number, postal and residential address.

(2.) Scanned copies of your recent passport photographs, members of your family passport photographs should also be scanned if you are traveling with your family members.

(3.) Scanned copies of your international passport & I.D card, members of your family international passport & I.D card should also be scanned if you are traveling with your family members. N.B: Your family member above the age of 16 requires an international passport for travel.

(4). Refundable processing fee of US$755.

Important Notice:

Please note that we issue only the visas and flight tickets, your accommodation included, we don't offer jobs or education in the U.S, but our agents in the U.S can give you expert advice and every necessary assistance on job opportunities and education in the U.S..

Congratulation.

Mr. Ronald Smith.

USGCLS Southeast Asia Zonal office.

Kindly contact immediately after reading, your processing officer who will guide you on the processing procedures and directives. His contact details are as follows:

Mr. Edward Leah

+ 66 8 1499-4471.

usvisaoffice@oued.info

www.usgcls,.com


God Finds Out About Lawn Care.

Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about this:

"Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles."

"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace them with grass."

"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? "

"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn."

"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy."

"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it _ sometimes twice a week."

"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"

"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."

"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"

"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."

"Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"

"Yes, sir."

"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work."

"You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it."

"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life."

"You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away."

"No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil moist and loose?"

"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."

"And where do they get this mulch?"

"They cut down trees and grind them up."

"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"

"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."

"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."


A Short Scottish Joke

A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,

'Excuse me Miss, day ye hav any books on suicide?'

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her

glasses, and says,

'Fauk off, ye'll no bring it back!'







12 comments:

Meow (aka Connie) said...

Gee, they want a bit of information, don't they !?!?!
So, what sort of a job do you think you'll get in the USA, Peter ??
Hope you are having a great weekend.
Take care, Meow

kenju said...

Peter, you could just pretend that you're going to work and then come for a visit, couldn't you? LOL
Maybe they'll pay the air fare.

I like that last joke!

Steve G said...

The one about the Suburbanites is classic. Love it.

Granny said...

I've been wanting to write something about ecology but it's not one of my stronger areas of knowledge.

The Suburbanites is a classic and I'm stealing it for Is America Burning.

Thanks.

willowtree said...

I'll give her two stars, oh wait, I think somebody already has.

Rachel said...

Did you know that girl is showing her boobs on your blog???

Great jokes Peter!!

I met Jamie Dawn today!! It was so nice to meet her. You can read about it on my blog.

Lee said...

What can I say?

Puss-in-Boots said...

Since when was Australia a developing country? What is an extraction and screening machine, for heaven's sake? It sounds most painful...no doubt someone will fall for the scan and fork out $755 for sweet FA.

The suburbanites story was good...and ain't it so true!

Walker said...

I get some of those emails all the time. One day I will send them a phoney cheque to see what I get back LOL

Cliff said...

Peter, there are parts of this blog that I found very entertaining.
I'll not, however, give anyone the advantage by confessing which part here in public.

JunieRose2005 said...

liked that last joke best of all!


June

Pamela said...

so what ... \ o /\ o /
I see those everyday. Well.. not those particular ones.


I love the God conversation. I'm in total agreement. Although I love my grass, I also love the native plants and would like to see some of them restored to our valley.