"In the beginning"


The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Dear Dr. Laura:

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is an American radio personality who dispenses advice
to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open
letter to
Dr. Laura penned by an east coast resident, which was posted on the
Internet. It's funny, as well as being very informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as
many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle,
for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however,
regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev.
11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this?

21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.
19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of
two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal
and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,


Gette said...

That verse and others, that I am not going to be as conscientious at the Jim who wrote that letter and properly cite, state that homosexuality is an abomination. Usually, it is lumped in with lying, cheating, murder, drunkenness, et al. Humans try to create a hierarchy of sin, but the Bible tells us we should ALL watch our step and keep our own noses clean. When it comes down to judgement day, it's between you and the Big Guy, and it's none of my business. I am called to love my neighbor and spread the gospel. If you don't want to hear it, I am called to shake the dust from my shoes and move on. Period.

susan said...

I love it!

Most people like to pick and choose what biblical laws they want to follow.

Cliff said...

yeah what gette said.
Peter, did you go see the tennis?
are you coming to blogstock?

Dave said...

Ok, first of all (and this REALLY gets me).... while I'm not a 100% practicing Catholic (for reasons of my own), this is how I feel:

Ok, getting down off my soapbox.

IMHO, the teachings we should follow are those of Jesus Christ and NOBODY ELSE!

I was brought up Catholic, went to Catholic schools, and I still can't get over this one very big thing:

When Jesus had "The Last Supper", were everyone separated from him somehow as it is in a church service? No.
When he said "Do this in remembrance of me", did he say "Build huge marble covered, gold laden temples to worship me"? No.
Was there "Sit, stand, kneel, sit, stand, kneel" at the Last Supper? I doubt it.
I also don't see anything saying that Jesus said "if you teach my teachings, you can not marry". (the thought of priests not being able to fall in love and marry)

All in all, say what you want of me, but as pointed out in that letter (and all over in the Bible), there are too many things that make no common sense at all.
Sorry, just how I feel.

Big Dave T said...

Let's hope you don't offend any conservative religious types there. I see in my news that you Aussies already have agreed to apologize to the Aborigines. You just have to be careful in this day and age.

Joy Des Jardins said...

You've got to be kidding....what a hoot! Thanks Peter....interesting.

Margaret said...

Very clever Peter.
Cheers Margaret

Anonymous said...

I've seen this one before but it sure does bring up a whole bunch of questions. I am glad that my Christian wife hasn't stoned me yet because I am not a follower of God. Hope she doesn't do a Bobbit on me....

Walker said...

This is great.

I would have liked to see her answer that but most people like her are blind to the realities of life and other peoples views.

Meow (aka Connie) said...

Absolutely brilliant, Peter ... thanks for sharing. Hmmm, religion ... everyone sees things differently, don't they !?!?
Take care, Meow