"In the beginning"


The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Economy

This story qualifies for a place in my Australian blog on several levels; (a) its about me and I’m Australian. (b) at least one of the participants (me) is Australian. (c) it’s a funny story and we could all do with a smile in this mad world of today.

The phone rings… its at a mealtime.

Me.. hello.

Cheerful lady caller.. hello, I’m ringing to let you know that you are a winner of a Woolworths everydayrewards prize,

Me.. thanks very much.

Cheerful lady caller.. please stay on the line, one of our real representatives will talk to you very soon….. fades to music.

Me to myself.. wow she sounded nice and she wasn’t even a real person… I only signed up for the Woolworths everydayrewards thing yesterday I wonder if they reward all new members with a box of Cornflakes or something?

New voice with a decidedly sing-song Indian flavour.. hello, I am ringing to tell you that you have won a prize of 2 weeks holiday in M*&^%$# City.

Me… pardon me, where did you say the holiday was?

New voice with a decidedly sing-song Indian flavour… its for 2 weeks in Mexico City, with all expenses paid, you will fly to America with overnight stops at New York and Los Angles before arrival at Mexico City.

Me… sounds too good to be true, what’s the catch?

New voice with decidedly sing-song Indian flavour… there is no catch….

Sound of buzzing that you hear when there is no-one on the line.

Me… WTF??? Was I supposed to just say thank you and hand over my bank account number so they could transfer the funds in…. or OUT??? the wording used here is based on my memory of the call and may not be EXACTLY what was said... please don't sue me for misquoting you Mr new voice with decidedly sing-song Indian flavoured man.

I get on average about 5 emails a week telling me that I have won an email based lottery for $5 million US dollars, (that US dollars has regained some importance now that the Au$ has slipped way back… thanks a lot US Prime Lenders) or they are from the widow or daughter of a recently departed official who has secreted away $16 US, and they all want me to claim it for them in some complex manner, for this service they offer me 30% as a fee. (now the bastards have got my phone number too!!)

I’m retired and independently wealthy (ha, ha, just checking to see if you were paying attention) so I pass on all of these deals, so far I think I have forsaken $230 million US, so if you would like me to give them your email address please let me know and I’ll pass it on to my benefactors.

All this has highlighted my need to stay alive at the moment, the value of my estate for my children, (a share market portfolio) has effectively halved over the last few months, thus far the losses are paper losses only as I have not needed to sell any shares, but if I “cark” it now and the kids sell up, their inheritance is looking decidedly dodgy, now the latest news has a warning that property values have fallen by about 20% and there is likely to be more bad news in the future, so even my lovely “Queenslander” isn’t immune to the worlds problems.

All this despite the worlds efforts to fix the economical crisis that we find ourselves in… my contribution is to stay alive and weather out the storm, all for the sake of my children!!!


Jack K. said...

Peter, you are not alone with the spammer scammers incessant requests for assistance. I have stopped opening them and reporting them to the anti-phishing watchdogs.

It is much more fun to follow skunkfeathers efforts to mess with their feeble minds.

As for the phone calls, thanks for the heads up. So far they haven't tried that in our part of the universe. We have a modicum of protection with the no-call list for our phone numbers. However, that does not protect us from the myriad of calls from politicians and charitites.

Take care and protect your ass-

sets. tehee

kenju said...

Luckily, my email program gets rid of stuff like that and I just click delete anyway. Hope you stay around, Peter!

Marcus said...

"my contribution is to stay alive and weather out the storm, all for the sake of my children!!!"

An admirable contribution it is too Pop, keep up the good work and don't walk in front of any buses!


Christina said...

I get those emails sometimes - I hate them!

I tried to email you my address, did you get it? I will try again. let me know if you get it or not. thanks

Puss-in-Boots said...

I think we all get those emails, but this is the first time I've heard of a phone call. I wonder if Woolworths know that's happening? Doesn't take long, does it?

Yes, I've got shares, too, Peter which are probably worth nothing very much at the moment. As I was saying to Ken just a while ago, I hope the market doesn't take too long to pick up. I want to be around to enjoy some of the divvies at some stage...

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Never fear, P M Rudd is here
with the solutions to everything. ice little Christmas bonus anyway. Soon won't have any surplus left.
Take care, Cheers, Merle.

Dave said...

Don't you love these free millions we all have won! *LOL*

Did you know, there's a sport online at fooling the online scammers? (you know, the ones from the fake African country that has to get rid of millions of dollars in your bank account?)

Jamie Dawn said...

I can't tell you how many times I've won various lotteries from all over the world.
Spam sucks!!!


karisma said...

Kindly stay alive and well for the sake of yourself! Not just for your children! I keep telling the kids Im going to spend the house before I go! Or down size so they can't come back IF they ever move out! Its priceless to see the looks on their faces! TC reckons she is just going to live here when I move out! LOL.

Those tele-market calls drive me nuts! We have a private number and they still seem to find us! I generally ask them for their home number and they hang up!

Walker said...

I hate those people and tell them when they call.
The emails go straight to the junk bin.
I don't know how many times i have inherited billions of dollars but needed to pay 50 grand in taxes first.
You would think they could lend me that since i have all those millions as calateral LOL