The state of the economy has hit an all time low in the UK
My old mate Wazza is keeping me supplied with the latest news on the financial front, if your friends won't help you who will??
Due to today's rapidly changing stock market and the financial conditions in industry, the following terms have had to be revised for investors in order to more clearly reflect today's economic market place:
CEO -- chief embezzlement officer.
CFO -- corporate fraud officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
14 comments:
Yep, I'm broker and broker as my cash flows down, down, down the toilet.
The Queen's arms look rather young in that photo, don't you think? I wonder how she likes her new job?
:-)
Happy Day to you, Peter!!!
Oh how I love that photo!! Priceless!
*LOL* esp at the picture!
I have attempted again to email you my address, this time via my gmail account. please let me know...
thanks
Christina
I love the cynicism of those definitions, Peter. But that's putting it well and truly in a nutshell, isn't it?
I'm not sure about Her Maj in Macca's "Would one like frais with thaht?"
How true some of them are....
LOL very funny! And I have just got to show that picture to my 3rd child who claims working at McD's is a job for the less desirable types, at 16 she still does not have a part time job as apparently most jobs are beneath her brains! LOL! I worked at Mc'D's when I was 14 for a while and thought it was a great start for a kid.
That's a good picture-YES!!
And that list of revised 'Terms' is very good! :)
June
How'd you get my picture? LOL
Hope this finds you well - thanks for the giggles - really needed a good laugh!
The only investment I make is to the spare tire around my waist LOL
Loser of the day: Somebody who took out a second mortgage on his overpriced home to play the stock market, just before the markets crashed on both.
I hear some bank in Australia just made a huge cut in their lending rate. Do you think they will lend me some money?
Peter ~ Unfortunately truer words were never spoken!... "BROKER -- What my broker has made me!" ~ jb///
Peter, Her Highness looks unusually well-rested. Maybe this less stressful, lower-level job is better for her health....and yes, I do agree with Jamie Dawn...even her arms look younger. Amazing! Cheerio!
Hahahahaha! Very funny. Oh, wait, the terms are way too true. Wonder if they are still hiring at McDonalds.
very creative new definitions.
(Still My favorite creative list is the mergers... where Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson form that new company Titty Titty Bang Bang.)
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