"In the beginning"

Disclaimer

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the blog management, (on the other hand, they are not necessarily not the views of the blog management).

No effort has been made to stay within the bounds of the truth in this blog as it has always been the view of the management that the truth should never be allowed to stand in the way of a good story.

Friday, August 14, 2009

OK, Who's offended?

Australia is a very multi-cultural country, we have people from most nations on earth, lets see how many we can offend.

A young Italian girl was going on a date.

Her Nonna said: "Sita here ana letame tella you about this-a younga boy.

He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don't let him do dat. He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea dat too, but don'ta let him do dat eeda. But mosta important, he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna really likea dat, but don'ta let him do dat for sure. Doing thata willa disgraza our family.

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date

The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: "And Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace our family as you said.

When he tried to lay on top of me, I just rolled him over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!"

Nonna fainted!!


Construction site confusion.

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man are hired at a Construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. "I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand."

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."

The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither."

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells,

"SUPPLIES!!!!"

As General Macarthur assured us during WWll, "I shall return"

10 comments:

WT said...

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.

When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'

Jack K. said...

SUPPLIES!

WT's story was really funny.

Thanks for sharing all of the stories.

You can see some other funnies here.

Jeanette said...

Gday Peter, ,Nonna fainted, Supplies!!! HEHEHE

Merle said...

Hi Peter ~~ Good post. I liked the construction site one, "Supplies."

I have been having trouble again and
I just found this way to open the
computer. Have been opening and closing it with the button and only get a black screen. No start buttons or anything slse. I have it booked in on Monday. It may sort itself out.
Take care, Love, Merle.

Christina said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LOL @ Nonna!

kenju said...

LOVE the jokes!!

Puss-in-Boots said...

If Claudia Schiffer and Brains from Thunderbirds got married and had a baby. What would it's name be?...Schifferbrains...

Supplies!

Merle said...

Hi Peter~~ Thanks for the comment ~
Tomorrow will tell the tale of my Laptop when the technician comes.
I was happy to find this Safe Mode
site to still be able to post etc.
Today my new light over the desk went bung so I have every other light on, but still haven't got good light.
I intended to post in case the computer is out of action for
awhile. Sorry your PC isn't doing too well either. Luckily you have
your Laptop to work with. Merle.

LZ Blogger said...

Peter ~ I enjoyed the comments about "Blogging Without Obligation." But then... why wouldn't I? That's kind of what I do! Good to hear from you bud! I hope that all is well? ~ jb///

Rachel said...

Thank you for posting "Blogging Without Obligation". I recognize myself in there!! Now I don't feel so badly!!

Loved the jokes!!! I actually burst out laughing when I read "Supplies!!!"